Kafkaescence

It was the ocean It was the sea This is the ideal place to insert a powerful metaphor. How about "family tree" or "undersea?" It was their god, Their hope, ...

Laughter bounces off the walls A tad bit cliched. as many merry people meet to do what we all love. Hmm...I don't know if I like "meet." Perform. Too straightforward ...

Interesting. This is quite different from your normal poetry style. I'm not sure if I like it better or not, but I'll see what I can make of it. city ...

Hey, Paul! Sorry about the delay. Everything dies. And I mean everything . Trust me; I'm generally accepted to be the expert on the subject. But don't take my word ...

so funny. I 'm laughing. sarcasm seethes off tongue, Put something in front of tongue: "my," "the," a," whatever you want. I hope it scalds on the way; On the ...

There are no Happily Ever Afters, Fairy Tale Endings, or Once Upon a Times, if in reality there is no true love ; it is only in myths, stories and ...

With so many thoughts swirling in my head, it’s hard to know just where to begin. How about another word in the place of "swirling?" With so many problems faced ...

I laughed as you had got caught in my flames. Instead of "had got," try "were." I laughed because I was tired of your games. Nice. You cried out to ...

Hey, Paul! I had no idea you wrote poetry! You should do it more often. Here are my humble critiques: We see the hurt We see the pain I'd say ...

Glad to hear more from you! I'll dive right in. I wake in the early bright of the morning; "Early bright" sounds strange. Seems like your getting Perse's habit of ...

Well, here I am again for chapter two. Sorry about the wait. Now, this chapter was short, just like the first one. I would consider perhaps increasing the length of ...

-The Temptress- My new shape fits me well. Like a glove. Nice analogy. I wiggle my fingers experimentally, and laugh as they do what they should. "Do what they should" ...

Always heard of love but never experienced it. You may want to consider tweaking the wording of this first line. Is there such a thing as true love; or is ...

my body is an ivory cage where all is chrysalis-bound; Splendid imagery in these first two lines. no butterflies of words so sage Instead of "sage," how about aiming for ...

This is nice, Lily. I can definitely see that this is an experiment as far as style is concerned, but concision is a very useful tool in poetry, so I'm ...