Why do we believe in the Invisible?

Always heard of love but never experienced it.
Is there such a thing as true love; or is only a myth?
Is it for real? or is it the figment of some dreamer's imagination?
Why is it that I've never got to experience love, have I been tuning into the wrong station?

Is there such a thing as a soul mate or do the chips fall where they may?
And what are the pitiful seekers to do when they don't find love along the way?
Do they wander in vain, akin to a miner in search of fool's gold?
Or do they hold dear and wait for the lies which they were sold?

They say true love is worth the wait but should we?
There's no way to be sure such a thing exists, for it is something we cannot see.
How do we know where to look for this unseen object?
Do we wander through a pile of mediocre rejects?

Or do we play the game of suicide with our hearts, until it is broken beyond repair?
There can be no mending!
How long then until we become complacent in our lives?
And realize, there are no such things as happily ever afters and fairytale endings!

Comments & reviews · 6
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BookWormOnIce
Review

Always heard of love but never experienced it.
Is there such a thing as true love; or is only a myth? (Too
Is it for real? or is it the figment of some dreamer's imagination?
Why is it that I've never got to experience love, have I been tuning into the wrong station?

Is there such a thing as a soul mate or do the chips fall where they may?
And what are the pitiful seekers to do when they don't find love along the way?
Do they wander in vain, akin to a miner in search of fool's gold?
Or do they hold dear and wait for the lies which they were sold?
They say true love is worth the wait but should we?
There's no way to be sure such a thing exists, for it is something we cannot see.
How do we know where to look for this unseen object?
Do we wander through a pile of mediocre rejects?

Or do we play the game of suicide with our hearts, until it is broken beyond repair?
There can be no mending!
How long then until we become complacent in our lives?
And realize, there are no such things as happily ever afters and fairytale endings!



#FF0000 ">Good rythm throughout the poem but some of the words puts me totally off base
Or do we play the game of suicide with our hearts, until it is broken beyond repair?
?? It Loses the rythm through the poem when you start on this Stanza, your poem could be more descriptive and Imaginative besides that good work

User avatar
Kafkaescence
Review

outsidethebox wrote:Always heard of love but never experienced it. #FF0000 ">You may want to consider tweaking the wording of this first line.
Is there such a thing as true love; or is only a myth? #FF0000 ">Hmm. Do "it" and "myth" rhyme?
Is it for real? #FF0000 ">Or is it the figment of some dreamer's imagination?
Why is it that I've never got to experience love#FF0000 ">? #FF0000 ">Have I been tuning into the wrong station? #FF0000 ">Really long line here. Think about how it will influence the flow of the poem.

Is there such a thing as a #FF0000 ">soulmate or do the chips fall where they may?
And what are the pitiful seekers to do when they don't find love along the way? #FF0000 ">Great line.
Do they wander in vain, akin to a miner in search of fool's gold?
Or do they hold dear and wait for the lies which they were sold? #FF0000 ">I like this stanza.

They say true love is worth the wait but should we? #FF0000 ">Should we...what? This sounds like an unfinished thought.
There's no way to be sure such a thing exists, for it is something we cannot see.
How do we know where to look for this unseen object? #FF0000 ">I wouldn't call love an "object."
Do we wander through a pile of mediocre rejects?

Or do we play the game of suicide with our hearts, until it is broken beyond repair? #FF0000 ">Long, but besides that I like this line.
There can be no mending! #FF0000 ">This line is the shortest in the whole poem. It sounds very much out of place.
How long then until we become complacent in our lives?
And realize #FF0000 ">that there are no such things as happily ever afters and fairytale endings#FF0000 ">?


This is a great poem. I like how you quickly establish the feeling and then move right into the fruit of the piece, mixing in some imagery here and there as well. Again, nice work!

-Kafka

User avatar
outsidethebox
Comment

Thank You guys very much for the constructive criticism Keep up the honesty!

User avatar
tinkembell
Review

Wow :) I thought this was very good just a couple of nitpicks;

Huff Puff wrote:Always heard of love but never experienced it. #FF0000 "> I don't think it and myth actually rhyme
Is there such a thing as true love; or is only a myth?
Is it for real? #FF0000 ">Or is it the figment of some dreamer's imagination?
Why is it that I've never got to experience love#FF0000 ">? #FF0000 ">Have I been tuning into the wrong station?

Is there such a thing as a soul mate or do the chips fall where they may?
And what are the pitiful seekers to do when they don't find love along the way?
Do they wander in vain, akin to a miner in search of fool's gold?
Or do they hold dear and wait for the lies which they were sold?

They say true love is worth the wait but should we?
There's no way to be sure such a thing exists, for it is something we cannot see. #FF0000 ">this line is nine syllables longer than the one before and ruins the rythym
How do we know where to look for this unseen object?
Do we wander through a pile of mediocre rejects?

Or do we play the game of suicide with our hearts, until it is broken beyond repair? #FF0000 ">this stanza completly changes the rhyming pattern from AABB to A??A
There can be no mending!
How long then until we become complacent in our lives?
And realize, there are no such things as happily ever afters and fairytale endings!


Other than that it was very good ( cannot think of different adjective at this time :P)

Keep up the writing!

- Tinkem

User avatar
Huff Puff
Review

Hi, here to review you :)
Firstly,

How do we know where to look for this unseen object?
Do we wander through a pile of mediocre rejects?

"..a pile of mediocre rejects?" seems to stick out in an unflattering way here. I'd advice you to change it or replace it with a more effective synonym.
Other than that, I really couldn't find anything out of place or wrong!
In fact , I enjoyed this part
Or do we play the game of suicide with our hearts, until it is broken beyond repair?
There can be no mending!

So, good work & keep on writing !
Cheers
x



She conquered her demons and wore her scars like wings.
— Atticus