Jyva

>Sell their forsaken products, or sell themselves to buy those products, Just as Janice had earned the money to support her impending purchase. caps on "just" >There he stood, watching ...

>Sunday morning, my mom and I took Andy home and made another sleepover date; next weekend. semi-colon isn't necessary here. feels clunky, actually. i'd use a hyphen or just a ...

>I twirl the single marigold in my hand, "single" is superfluous there. >now that the sun is making its way down the horizon rapidly. "rapidly" on its own there sounds ...

>“Has the nuisance been taken care of?” He asks monotonously. shouldn't have a capital H on "he" there your use of "monotonously" is just lazy, and not because of that ...

alright, let's get this review going first things first: wow. that map. i really hope you didn't make it, cause geez - that's one of the most typical fantasy maps ...

forgot to mark it as a review AGAIN ignore the blank message ._. poetry is really not my forte, but i'll give it a shot regardless interpret any line i ...

fuckin forgot to mark it as a review any part that i haven't commented on is ok >"Poor bastard. Just wanted his family back. . ." Vincent said. why are ...

alright, let's do this. >Above the party that celebrated the Guards of Hel, in a room with a glass window that displayed the people below, Amara sat on a sofa ...

general comment: fix your spacebar >Just as I was about to close the shop, I was attacked. Five men all dressed in dark blue busted through the doors and knocked ...

>Freznel was an 18 years old girl. 18-year-old. >She was fair, slim and tall, with her soft, blonde hair always bouncing over her sholders. you spelt "shoulders" wrong. this is ...

way. too. much. description. this link has discussion on the topic: and i'll copypaste the highest-rated comment here. "It's best to add descriptions as needed. If it's irrelevant to the ...

>She was sitting across from him on the couch and a smile played over her lips. you've got present and past tense in the same tense. should be "and a ...

>The sky over the city’s Eastern side was beginning to lighten. why is "Eastern" capitalized? >Wolf stopped by the canal and scented the air over the filthy water, glancing upstream ...

>“This is Acer. He will be working here as an errand boy for Prince Laedus from now on. Could you show him the ropes?” the head maid asked sympathetically. With ...

>Rip it to shreds. well, you asked for it. interpret any sentence that i haven’t included as good/ok. >It was clear that at any other time, his face would possess ...