Morality

general comment: fix your spacebar

>Just as I was about to close the shop, I was attacked. Five men all dressed in dark blue busted through the doors and knocked me down. My face was shoved against the cold tiled floor. My vision quickly became a blur as images of my family echoed in my mind. They detained me and took me away as more men arrived and took my entire inventory. They shoved me into a small six by eight foot room and didn’t allow me any contact with my family. I was not even allowed a single phone call to let them know that I was alright. I was brutally mistreated and verbally abused. I was treated like a monster.

you were doing pretty well up until here. it's not absolutely terrible, but it most definitely can be improved. what you've done with this section of writing is use flat/cliche description for what is meant to be a very emotional memory. additionally, the reader is nowhere near invested enough in the story for something like this to have some sort of impact on them. the reader's reaction is most likely to be "meh". if you want to try to have emotional impact, then flesh out the story before this and then describe this memory in more detail. maybe even send the perspective of the story back in time, third person, so you're not limited by the constraints of your character's memory.


>Finally after a very long time of being confined in that small room, I was allowed out for trial. I was ecstatic that I was finally let out of that dungeon and allowed to breathe fresh air. To my dismay however, i was escorted into yet another small room while the jury deliberated. At the very least, this room was brightly painted and had an array of windows. I did not feel as confined as I had previously been. I was sat onto a rigid chair near a window and left alone with my thoughts. As I stared out the window I played back the events that had just transpired. Once I was in the courtroom, I was confronted face to face with my attackers. I couldn’t help but scowl at theirvery sight. I told the judge and the jury of how I was wrongfully attacked and detained. I told them of how I did nothing wrong; I was positively contributing to the community. I assertively pleaded my case and hoped that they saw the virtue in what I was doing.After a long wait, the jury had finally reached a verdict.

you're using "I" way too much. there are ways to avoid it - this link might help. https://www.reddit.com/r/writing/commen ... arch_posts

King here

Hello there, I may not be able to make such a long review, but I will try to help.
I like the idea, because I think you are the only person who had thought of this subject and write about it. It is a very interesting subject, showing every person has their own opinion, and we can not think the right way. I will go through this work, and see if something needs correction.

Morality, something many people claim to have yet lack to demonstrate.

We all claim to be virtuous and know the difference between right and wrong, however when it comes down to it, many people turn out to be more talk than show.

If at least one person decided to do the right thing and demonstrate their morality, then I’dbe free and wouldn’t have to be here in the first place.

Tick. Tock.Tick.Tock. Time keeps passing me while I sit here awaiting trial. All I wanted was to have an easy workday so I could’ve gone home to my family earlier.

Day in and day out, I spend my time working at the dispensary helping others by giving them much needed medication. I didn’t have much to offer, but I was willing to share what I had left in mystock. I’d pride myself for all the good I was doing for humanity.

There weren’t enough resources to go around; likewise there weren’t many solutions to help with the necessity.

Withered children whose bodies resembled mummified remains would blankly stare at me as I walked on the street during my commute to work.

The government did nothing to help those who were hit the hardest by the economic fallout. People were left to their own devices. The government left them like dying cattle. It irked me to see all those people in thatcondition.

My spouse and I took it upon ourselves to be part of the solution instead of the problem. I opened up my dispensary to anyone and everyone who needed my services. Nothing put a smile on my face more than knowing that I was doing the right thing and helping out my fellow people.

Five men all dressed in dark blue busted through the doors and knocked me down. My face was shoved against the cold tiled floor. My vision quickly became a blur asimages of my family echoed in my mind.

They detained me and took me away as more men arrived and took my entire inventory. They shoved me into a small six by eight foot room and didn’t allow me any contact with my family. I was not even allowed a single phone call to let them know that I was alright. I was brutally mistreated and verbally abused. I was treated like a monster. As I sat in solitary, I was forever grateful that my spouse no longer worked with me at the dispensary.

To my dismay however, i was escorted into yet another small room while the ...

As I stared out the window I played back the events that had just transpired. Once I was in the courtroom, I was confronted face to face with my attackers. I couldn’t help but scowl at theirvery sight. I told the judge and the jury of how I was wrongfully attacked and detained.

I told them of how I did nothing wrong; I was positively contributing to the community.

They clearly have no ethics of their own and see all the good that I was doing. It was apparent to me that they had not voted in my favor.

How can I be tried for doing the moral thing and helping out humanity? How can I be seen as a monster for stepping up when others wouldn’t and for creating a solution to the overpopulation and lack of affordable resources?.....Unlike many, I took matters into my own hands and did something to control the population.

Iwas briefly allowed to speak with him. Although I was entwined withresentment, dread and sorrow, I was able to assure him that everything will be okay. He and our daughter had nothing to worry about.

I was at least at ease knowing that my partner in crime has the modesty to continue our work in order to give our baby girl a virtuous future in which there is no overpopulation to cause another economic downfall. Although I may have been detained, my morality had already made a difference.