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Young Writers Society


18+ Language Mature Content

Addicted

by Kingofnate


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and mature content.

Addicted. Addicted. Janice needed a hit. She wandered the lamp lit streets of New York, towards a secluded street corner. Few people still walked the streets at this hour, just after the common crowd had gone home, but before the lost souls of the night had come out to do whatever it is they do. Sell their forsaken products, or sell themselves to buy those products, Just as Janice had earned the money to support her impending purchase.

There he stood, watching as she approached.

La Pantera. Tonight, he was Janice’s hero.

“How can I help you, Janice?” He said, from under his hood. She couldn’t tell where he was looking, but she could feel his eyes on her’s, eager to make a sale.

Janice examined the dark streets around her to ensure no one was around to witness.“I need to get high. Give me half a ounce.”

La Pantera made no motion to meet her request. “I’ve got some unfortunate news,” He mimicked a sigh.”The price has gone up. 450 for half.”

“450? God! It’s not Acid!” She knew frustration wouldn’t win her a lower price, so she took a deep breath and scratched at the sores on her face. “I can’t do that. I’ve only got 250.”

La Pantera clicked his tongue in shame. “You’ll have to survive on a quarter ounce then. You know that the Gun-Dog won’t be happy with me selling our new product so cheap.”

That caught Janice’s attention. “New product?”

“Damn right. I tried a hit myself, and…” A long whistle came from under the hood to finish his sentence. “They changed up the formula. Apparently, It’s way more pure. Less is more, and, God, it feels good.”

She considered this. Of course she had the money, but did she want to spend it all on a few good highs? She had been saving her earnings to pay for a deposit on an apartment. The streets had started becoming even more inhospitable in this area of the city recently, and she reckoned it was time to start fresh.

But she wanted to get high.

She had goals to move into an apartment, then find a clean job with a steady paycheck. A new client every evening was a profession she was eager to leave.

But she wanted to get high.

The pain of her life was unmanageable. From the pigs she had to pleasure, and the chill of the city at night when she couldn’t find a client to spend the night with. The men who she called real lovers who ended up leaving in the middle of the night with her money and her drugs that she’d worked so hard to earn by doing horrible things, and phantom memories of her old life when things were good. Back when Janice was loved. She had parents who loved her. A family to eat with and a bed to sleep in. She had a future in front of her, a chance to see her dreams come true.

Now, nothing. The parents that claimed to love her but had disowned her and forced her from their lives. The future that had been crushed and beaten and left on the side of the highway to wither into nothing. Nothing that ever was, nothing that ever would be.

She tried not to think about it, not to care about her past, but it always came back. It was best to stop thinking altogether to avoid thinking at all. A far away place where the world wasn’t out to get her, and cold winds didn't flood through the alleys with the promise of a life without change.

She needed to get high.

“Give me half an ounce.” There was no use left in bartering, she paid the full amount. Her money was eager to purchase an emotional bandage to fix all her problems.

Deep down, she knew it would only mask them.

La Pantera noticed the sum of money she had, and the pain in her eyes. Too good a businessman to overlook these signs, Or perhaps too greedy. He’d seen these signs many times.

“You’re a great customer, Janice. I really appreciate your loyalty.” La Pantera knew how to imitate the emotions she needed the most. His tone portrayed love and caring. “I’ll give you a full ounce for just 800. Special deal, only for my favorite customer.”

Janice craved love and caring. From anyone.

La Pantera craved some extra cash. He didn’t care how he got it.

They both walked away with what they wanted. 


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99 Reviews


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Sun Sep 25, 2016 12:07 am
Remington38 wrote a review...



Hello Remington38 here for a reveiw! Pleasure to meet you.
Not only is it a pleasure to meet you it was a pleasure to read your work! There are really no words to describe how much I loved this. It was twisted, but on a horrific and realistic way. I feel like you touched the auidience in a way and showed them what this character is feeling. Normally I wouldn't like the repetition, but here I feel it was more than necessary. By repeating that phrase we slowly understood the intensity of the situation and how desperate the character really is. The emotions were rally beautifully written. Keep on writing because you are a gifted and talented writer.



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Kingofnate says...


Thanks so much for this review, remmy! Pleasure to meet you, too. hope i'll see you around the site



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54 Reviews


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Sat Sep 24, 2016 10:42 pm
postmalone wrote a review...



I can't even begin to describe how this story made me feel....... I was just at some motorcycle stunt show (don't get me wrong, my family wants to come to it on a whim) and there was a speaker. He talked about being a drug addict and the wrong choices he made. He moved into religion, Christianity, and gaining his life back in just five years when he was twenty three then. Drugs are for thugs is what I used to think. But since then it's changed. I need to get high at times as well, but with no available resources and no dealers or anything around, can't really shoot for that hook.

But wow, my emotions were really tested here. The title and the three word pun as a description pulled me in. I've read this three times, and I still can't get this to fully soak in. I can't get over this. Maybe it's a barrier to help me not do drugs, or what.

I see the user below me has stated grammatical errors, rewording of sentences, and writing corrections. But I don't see why I should point out some little typo or dialogue correction. The emotions I got from this was equivalent to me pausing for a long time, thinking about this and I can hear my heart breaking worse in my mind. Wow.

You have written a piece that I'm keeping bookmarked so I can always come back to this and reread. Thank you for posting. Thank you.



Random avatar
Kingofnate says...


Wow, callmeafreak, thank you for your review. It's an amazing feeling when someone tells you your writing hit them on a personal level. I just thought you'd like to know, i wrote this not with my own personal knowledge of drugs, but mostly based off of experiences i've had talking with homeless people and meth addicts around the streets of downtown portland. it's easy to think about the immediate pleasure of drugs, but a bit harder to remind yourself of the end product.



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Fri Sep 23, 2016 1:29 pm
tigeraye wrote a review...



Wow, this was incredibly mesmerizing. Just about anyone who knows or knew a drug addict should be able to relate to this piece...I was able to picture everything about it, this sad woman who wanted to better herself, but just couldn't fight the urge to get high, because it's just too strong and it's not fair at all. I sort of was expecting the story to end with Janice being dead in her house, but the fact that she's alive means she still has a chance to redeem herself. That's a happy ending in it's own way, but it doesn't stop this story from being incredibly sad. The dialogue from Janice and La Pantera captured the sorrowful nature of the exchange quite well. I almost expected La Pantera to show mercy and not sell to Janice, and I'm glad you didn't go that route because that sort of thing doesn't seem to happen. People are greedy and terrible, and La Pantera is greedy and terrible.

One nitpick is that La Pantera is a strange choice for a name, even for a drug dealer. The reason is it sounds more to me like an actual location, which confused me at first and took me out of the story. Just something you may want to consider not just in this story, but in other stories, that you want to be careful about picking names. They can make or break stories, in more extreme cares. It's too bad you didn't go into detail onto how Janice earned her drug money, I assume she was a prostitute because that's what makes sense but by going into more detail, you earn our sympathies more. I didn't really feel the emotion of the backstory between her and her parents because it read more like a summary, and the whole story of parents disowning their adult children because of a drug addiction has been summarized time and time again. Maybe if you started the story out with a conversation between Janice and her parents and removed the summarizing part, the story would flow better and the readers would be able to sympathize more with Janice.

But otherwise, I thought this was really good. Very sad, and a very truthful story about how tough addictions are to break. There are some grammatical issues, but as long as it doesn't impede the storytelling I prefer to focus more on the actual story itself. Thanks a ton for sharing.



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Kingofnate says...


This is a great review! I think it may be a bit easier to decipher, knowing that the focal point of the piece is not janice, but La Pantera. (And i know, La Pantera is a shitty name, but these things are hard.) this is partially why i didn't want to go into too much detail for her backstory, because you're exactly right; You've heard it before.



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Fri Sep 23, 2016 8:32 am
Jyva wrote a review...



>Sell their forsaken products, or sell themselves to buy those products, Just as Janice had earned the money to support her impending purchase.

caps on "just"

>There he stood, watching as she approached.

La Pantera. Tonight, he was Janice’s hero.

why a new line?


>“How can I help you, Janice?” He said, from under his hood. She couldn’t tell where he was looking, but she could feel his eyes on her’s, eager to make a sale.

some grammar issues here: no caps needed on "he", "her's" should be "hers".


>Janice examined the dark streets around her to ensure no one was around to witness.“I need to get high. Give me half a ounce.”

"ensure" sounds weird in this sentence. "make sure" would be better, considering the tone of the writing, but you can keep it as is if you want.
you need a space after full stops.
the dialogue is really, really... robotic. "BEEP BOOP. THIS UNIT HAS A REQUIREMENT TO BECOME HIGH FROM ILLEGAL DRUGS. BEEP BOOP. HALF AN OUNCE OF THE GOOD SHIT REQUESTED."
okay that was a bad overexaggeration, but you get the point. i don't think anyone would say "I need to get high" there.


>La Pantera made no motion to meet her request. “I’ve got some unfortunate news,” He mimicked a sigh.”The price has gone up. 450 for half.”

okay just so i don't have to address this from now on, here's how dialogue tagging works.
"This is a sentence that doesn't finish when the speech marks close," he said. "So you wouldn't need to capitalise the "he" back there. Also, note how there's a space after periods. Those are important because they stop your paragraphs from looking like an unorganised clusterfuck."
"There are times when dialogue ends a sentence, though." He stopped talking for a moment to show the reader what he meant. "Like that. Then you can capitalise the next word."


>He mimicked a sigh.

"faked" would be a better word. "mimicked" just makes it sound like he's pretending to sigh for the heck of it - that was my first impression before re-reading the sentence.

>“450? God! It’s not Acid!”

so... what is it? also, put some dollar signs in there or something. they could be talking about exchanging 450 guinea pigs for all i know.


>She knew frustration wouldn’t win her a lower price, so she took a deep breath and scratched at the sores on her face.

good job showing that she's been doing drugs for a while with the face-sores-scratching thing.


>A long whistle came from under the hood to finish his sentence.

normally this would be perfectly fine but you already used "from under his hood" like ten lines back. for uncommon phrases like this i have a cooldown period of at least 20-something pages in between to make sure it doesn't get repetitive. and even then, it's noticeable to an observant reader.


>“They changed up the formula. Apparently, It’s way more pure. Less is more, and, God, it feels good.”

from what la pantera's been saying so far... i don't think you know how drug dealing or drugs in general work. neither do i ahaha - but i'm fairly sure that this ain't how it goes down.



>But she wanted to get high.

She had goals to move into an apartment, then find a clean job with a steady paycheck. A new client every evening was a profession she was eager to leave.

But she wanted to get high.

repetition is great. i love repetition. it adds weight and drama to a moment - and sounds really, really weird when there's no drama happening. i know that you're gonna get super deep into the tragic part of janice's life right after this part, but right here it is out of place.


>sad backstory

She needed to get high.

theeere's good repetition.


one thing about the backstory - it's far, far too much for a short story like this. in a full novel it'd be barely acceptable - and then you'd want to spread it throughout the book. here, i'd suggest just hinting towards her past and motivation for wanting drugs.

>Her money was eager to purchase an emotional bandage to fix all her problems.

ok this line is just weird. it just is.





Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.
— Søren Kierkegaard