JosephDean

I just finished it last night after a good two-day read. Lol. It is fantastic, and like Thunder, I don't say that about a lot of books. It keeps you ...

You've written better, but other than my quotation comment I left on chapter one, I don't see any *real* mistakes. If you yourself don't want to continue it, then don't. ...

I agree with miyaviloves about the legal part of it, but what I see most are your mistakes with quotations. This is what you do, "The dog jumped over the ...

When the character is hearing what the reporter said, there is an unnecessary space in between the period and final quotation mark. Take that out. And italicize the first quotation ...

Well, just like last time, through the miracle of AIM I have all ready given you my critiques. But for the sake of my review count going up by one, ...

Well, I've already given you my kudos via AIM, but for the sake of upping my review count by one - here goes. I really enjoy this. Just the thought ...

I instantly recognized him to be one of the guards or executioners of where ever I was in. "where ever" is one word - wherever ‘Bloodsuckers have the .... Double ...

I know that since you've all ready turned it in, my punctuational point-outs (yay alliteration) are useless, but I shall say them anyway :) The whole dressing up thing was ...

Nearly and hour "and" should be "an" The dialogue was not so scarce over the course of this hour, for I had learned his name. Remove the comma. Him humming ...

*wipes eyes dry* What? Pfft, you people cried? Pansies...... *sees everyone glaring at me*... What?... Oh fine :D OMG This was outstanding!!! All the mistakes I found have all ready ...

Phew, that's a lot!! Lol. Be sure you re-read your submissions a few times before you submit them because I see a lot of run-on sentences. Also, watch for your ...

Fourth line, you need an apostrophe in "Whats." Fifth line, you need to change "your" to "you're." It's really good, but really short, lol. Expand on it a bit if ...

I felt like Juliet, You were Romeo. Change the comma to a period - those are both complete sentences. You helped me through my recovery, you became my best friend, ...

ever since that day... I see you changed the sentence before that, so you need to capitalise "ever." I leaned against the trunk of the tree I was sitting in. ...

Very nice!! I had started to list things for my critique, but Searria H. beat me to them all!! Lol. All was still, no wind rustled through the trees, no ...