Jiggity

something to relit the oiled cloth on his torch relight This is odd. Not only do you change tense, you also change form. While it's not a bad thing to ...

All in all, this is an excellently well written piece, aside from the odd awkward turn of phrase. And by this, I refer to unnecessary words halting the flow, rather ...

Memories began to swirl in his head triggered by the sounds of boats gently thumping against the side of the docks and fishermen celebrating merrily about meeting more than their ...

I think, and this is a personal opinion more then a technical must - that opening sentences, in a short story at least, should be simple. Don't try to do ...

Hey, Tri. I can hear the tinny sigh of the ride cymbal Is that meant to be 'tiny'? "Not for me," I admit. "My wife. She's pregnant [s]and has these ...

Eh, I've never gotten round to reading him. I did, however, get to see the man in person at the Sydney Writer's Festival and frankly, he is an egotistical big-headed ...

Heya, CL. This is an interesting story, and yes, some elements I distinctly remember seeing in other pieces of yours :p There's some very awkward sentence structuring at play here, ...

Yes, I remember being intensely fascinated by the series, still am to some degree, but I never made it beyond book 2. He takes so bloody long to get to ...

"That shipped sailed a long time ago." ship "Eww," she recoiledd, squinting at it recoiled Just a few typo's there. I like the multiperspectivity, a popular narrative style now, due ...

Hallo Gyr! From the trees, we watched them. The children rolled in the long grass of the clearing, tossing handfuls of autumn leaves into the air and squealing with delight, ...

I've heard 'come with' before lol, all too often in fact, it seemed natural in this case. I don't have anything constructive to add here unfortunately -- although I will ...

She stares at me [s]like I'm a freak[/s] The crossed out part we provide for ourselves: unnecessary, There were some small grammatical stuff, a typo or two, but on the ...

Powerful, in the emotive sense. Weak, in the poetic. And that is, I'm afraid, because of the terrible grammar and spelling. So, I fixed it up a bit. It should ...

Short, moderately well written first chapter, that in the end, means little. Name dropping, obscure but cool sounding rituals and races remain just that: names. There is little of the ...

Ick. I dislike reading into anything clinically pure. It clouds the precision of the writing. Much like people argued over Hemingways 'Hills Like White Elephants' and what the meaning was ...