JiRuiHe

Caerauboy, I love the first stanza, and the second stanza is pretty fantastic too, but I'm disappointed in a couple minor things in the chorus: First of all, I'm bothered ...

Hi, there! I've never been one for small talk, so here you go: When a rhyme scheme doesn't flow naturally, it makes the speaker of the poem seem insincere. In ...

Shiver cause its cold outside, You need an apostrophe in "its". I think you could deepen your poem. The title gave me high expectations, but after I read it I ...

I agree with bubblewrapped. While the writing is fairly good, I feel that the ideas presented in the poem are uninteresting. In creating this duality between G-d and Satan - ...

This piece is extremely sweet. I wonder if you've ever heard the term "objective correlative" before. Well, regardless of whether you have or have not, you are a master of ...

When I first began reading your poem, I was really excited, and my expectations for the poem started to grow; however, as the piece progressed, I became frustrated with the ...

I love the lower-case throughout your piece. Normally when writers attempt to ignore grammatical conventions, they don't seem to have clear reasons to do so, and, thus, just appear pretentious; ...

In line 5, you don't need a comma after "panes". If you wish to keep the comma, then you must omit the "that" in line 6 to make the sentence ...

This piece is very interesting, to say the least. I'm frustrated with the lack of structure in the poem. If the fluidity of the lines was meant to reinforce another ...