Published April 29, 2009
At night I am
In the dark,
All alone with
My eyes closed,
with no one
there to save me
nor protect me.
i lay there sleeping,
seeing every soul
that i have killed
and every life that
i have shattered
and destroyed.
they chase after
me as i run and
they fly to get
there revenge
against me.
i am scared to
look back at them
as they continue
to get closer
and closer
to me, until
i have come to
a dead end in
wheich it is my
grave that i am
laying in.
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139,647 Literary Works • 672,642 Reviews
When I first began reading your poem, I was really excited, and my expectations for the poem started to grow; however, as the piece progressed, I became frustrated with the lack of clarity in the plot. Of course, straightforward plot is not a requirement in poetry, but the frenzied structure of the plot confused me. I suggest that you revise the poem after the first sentence, and make the writing a bit more concise - "showing" more and "telling" less. And you should either capitalize "i" or make the reason why "i" isn't capitalized clearer to the reader because as of right now, it confuses me. Keep up the good work!
thanks
It was good. but I did find a few mistakes. Like the way you never capitalized I. But it was obvious that you did that one on purpose so I don't know if it could be counted as a mistake. But anyways,
this way, it seems to flow better to me.Okay, other then those few mistakes, it was really good. I liked it. So keep up the good work!