Jenthura

Hmm, the part, fading, thinning, stretching, sinking, didn't really fit together like the rest of the poem did, at least, not for me. Fading implies disappearing, whereas thinning and stretching ...

Living forever? Utopia? Not to accuse you of plagiarism or anything, but that's been done already. here: Sorry to be Mr. Raincloud, but it just caught my attention. Granted, that ...

OMG, this is awesome! the beginning was a little stiff, but your concept of slowing time down was so clearly presented that I got it before she did, probably because ...

The chapters are rather short, I would suggest working on transition and lumping them all together. Lyric doesn't talk like person who's just come out of a coma, and there ...

Hmm, other than showing off your knowledge of guns and weaponry, this post does present one thing I uphold: fanfiction is overrated. The reason for it is pure laziness; laziness ...

I mucked around in the muggy mud outside in the wonderful air The sound of these words just go together. Mucked, then muggy, then mud. About the rest, I have ...

I sighed, gazing at the city around me. Hopefully Cody will have secured a transport for us to get back to Corasant on. First of all, you change the tense ...

I stood in the middle of the cold, brick building lifeless 'Lifeless' seems out of place there, I would say " I stood lifelessly in the middle of the cold, ...

1. It does, but for one thing. The main character (I'm assuming a girl) speaks of 'he' in the beginning, then mulls over her memories of her brother, her father, ...

His lungs would burn like skin against carpet. He kicked dirt and bits of wood into the murky ocean water as another gust of morning air swept through his shaggy ...

Here's my nitpicks! >< We looked up to the willowy tree, a lovely flower of a bird hanging on a branch. It swayed slightly, trying to beat its wings. It ...

I enjoyed the death tone and darkness of the poem immensely. Have you ever read the book Night? By Elie...drat, I forgot, anyways, he was a Jew during the Holocaust ...

A rather nice piece for its cultural side. I understand a mouse-amount of Spanish, but you used simple words (thankfully) and I got everything except siento , what's that mean? ...

Aside from various spelling and grammar mistakes, I can see a few things that confuse me. One is the closeness of the forest and the road. How could the animals ...

and blessed with the charm of one too . Too? Maybe you could just end it with 'one'. Her name , if memory serves right , was You need commas ...