Published December 16, 2009
When I think what has been around
What former things have happened
I remember what things I have learnt
In our old History class
I remember what Mrs Magga told me
About a man who was very smart he was even smarter then me
I was joking about that last statement
I remember she taught me about about the man walking on the moon
I was like that has to be a joke miss
She explained to me what happened
And I understood
The loud bell rang, as I left the classroom
I mucked around in the muggy mud outside in the wonderful air
And that is when i remembered the FORMER things that happened in life.
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140,679 Literary Works • 673,590 Reviews
Not exactly sure what's going on here...
I would recommend against putting words in all caps, and bolding them, and underlining them. If we didn't catch it without those things, then using them seems a little silly.
And the poem itself confuddles me, and I'm not easily confuddled. Is this a true event? Maybe it should go into narrative poetry? Because I don't think it's lyrical. I'll ask a green-named person what they think.
At any rate,
that was a great use of alliteration. Other than that I have no idea whats going on in this poem.
PM me with any questions and I'll be glad to assist.
keep writing, katrina
empress
Hello, I saw a few things that just didns't sound right to me. Maybe I can help.
In the first line, you needed a comma to pause between smart and he.
The second line is okay.
You should have said something like : "I remember she taught me about the man who walked on the moon."
In the last line you weren't supposed to say 'Like' unless you said it in a qoute...
Maybe If I typed it out... : ' I told her, "That has to be like a joke Miss?".
I hoped I could help.
Oh, and if you need anything Pm me so I can reveiw your other posts1 ^.6
Oh, and can you check out my posts?
Nice job too by the way,
The sound of these words just go together. Mucked, then muggy, then mud.
About the rest, I have very little opinion. It's not that I don't like it, But I don't exactly understand it. It rambles on in a way that can only be explained by you, or to you, but an ignorant reader like me just doesn't get it.
Anyway, great work!