Published November 7, 2009
It was a warm night when i first met her. A woman with the face of an angel and blessed with the charm of one to. Her name if memory serves right was Mikhail Alexandera and she was my first introduction to a war between good and evil, night and day. A war that i never wanted a part of. She was my guide to hell.
Ch.1 Hell's Gate
My name is William Alexander Montes i was named after my father and share my name with a dead brother. I was raised as a only child in the tranquil world of Tampa, Fl and had never expirenced true evil. Yet i wanted something more to life, i craved adventure desired it, needed it, i wanted a new world, i wanted Europe.
So at the tender age of 17 with only a headstrong desire and my wits i left Tampa leaving behinde a angry mother and a confused father and made my way to the land of my dreams. It was there in a tiny pub somewhere in England i met Mikhail Alexanderia and it was there i was given a choice. A choice that would change the balance of the world and the outcome of an ancient world. To join a world of darkness and chaos or an order of light which sent the darkness and chaos back into the world of night.
But in the end i choose wrong and in the end i choose a world of darkness.
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140,492 Literary Works • 673,250 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well that is quite the start. There's not telling if this is maybe meant to be something of a metaphor or if somehow this whole thing is literally about a guide to hell but either way I think this intro manages to hit you pretty hard there and the fact that it happens to be a little ambiguous there is honestly just making this even more powerful as an opening.
Hmm well that's a pretty standard opening there. Rather neutral on its own but combined with that chapter title and then the paragraph from earlier this ends up being a rather powerful little package to open with. So on the whole this little first chapter here is going pretty well at the moment raising a good amount of strong questions.
AHhhh this is lovely. I think its wonderful that the ambiguity of everything managed to actually stick around all the way to the end which even as this chapter ends here leaves us wondering exactly how dangerous of a place this person ended up getting sucked into. I think its a lovely combination here in the end that just leaves us wanting to read more.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Kate
Hello, world! Okay, so this piece is hardly my style, but I'll try to say something intelligible anyways. First off, I'm no grammar nazi, but this was very bad grammar wise. Edit and spell check please. Then, this story is well-written, but already so early in the book you've gone to far into cliche territory. Battle between good and evil... angels... the fate of the world on the line... ancients... you get it. As long as your fine with this, its OK. But be aware that its not going to be the unique thing, and its definitely not going to set the world on fire.
Good job for a 1st piece, though.
Also, on this site you should try to do ~4 reviews per literary work you post. You get one freebie, though. Just keep that in mind.
Too? Maybe you could just end it with 'one'.
You need commas there.
AN only child.
Every single 'i' needs to be changed to 'I' and you need some commas around there.
There are quite a lot of grammar problems and spelling problems: you should run a spellcheck over this first, then re-post some time later. Don't be discouraged, it's a good story, you just need to edit it.