Jennafina

Okay! And now its my contest entry. Did I get the date right?

The fire had died long ago but he still contemplated, he saw ember upon ember fade away, and now he was alone. The last part of this sentence, and now ...

Wow! You're really good at that! I like the imagery, and how you have really captured the summery spirit. It doesn't sound forced at all.

Awesome work, Tazy! This is captivating!

Hmm.. I found it a little bit anticlimatcical, as in you kill the main charecter before we get to see him in action. The writing was good though, apart from ...

Jennafina is back. But their eye contact didn’t last long as within seconds she wriggled towards the deep blue sea looking utterly terrified. If you want to keep this exactly ...

Ok, I'm back, only this time I have a few coments. They went near to his car sounds awkward. I think its the word went. "You're not used to be ...

Ok! Jennafina is back! :) And sorry about being harsh. I'll try to chill a bit for this half. :) Where we left off: Next line. Sounds fine exept for ...

Lol, so cute! Its silly, and if thats what you were hoping for, right on! If, however, you were to trying to tell a sad story rich with unfortunate images ...

I'm BACK!!! Here's my edit of your edit.. I see dark red matter on my hand, I realize it’s my blood. I slump to the ground with life ebbing out ...

I like how you tie the end with the begining. Maybe thats what gives it closure. :)

Wow, you're good Sophini! Critiquing harshly is never rude. I was hoping someone would go indepth. Thanks for comenting! I still think this is ultimately crap, but you helped me ...

Wow.. Thats really scary. I love it, especially the prolouge.

Wow, thanks guys! I'll make changes later.. GROUNDED!!! :p

Thanks! Wow, Nox, you're so good at that!!! I don't have time to make changes though, its REALLY late, and I'm still grounded..