Jennafina

Hello! Even though your story is written like a fable or myth, I think you should show instead of tell. For example: "One day, a beautiful and fragrant flower with ...

Hello! The first thing I noticed about your story is that it doesn't have very many paragraphs. Huge blocks of text are somewhat intimidating. Maybe you could space it out ...

xD I love it, Clau. It has the sing-songy feel of a nursery rhyme, only more morbid. I'm afraid to read it again- it's not something I want to have ...

Set in present time. Show, don't tell! You say carpet a lot in the first paragraph. Maybe you could vary it up? He stepped closer, his cerulean eyes tinted with ...

This was a little too long for me. The theme was cute, but I lost interested after the first few stanzas. Maybe you could shorten it a bit? It would ...

I like it. It's really short, but the ending leaves me satisfied, if that makes sense. Punctuation might help this flow better. Commas at the end of the lines, and ...

Standing at the alter were four figures, three men and one female. This sounds awkward. You could say either "three men and one woman" or "three males and one female," ...

This was a little too long to hold my interest. I think rhyming poems, unless they're epic and tell a story like The Raven, should be short and sweet. I ...

It's in the right place. :) I'd call this flash-fic. I like it a lot, and I'm glad you ended it where you did. Its shortness adds. The comparasin(sp? Sorry ...

Cute, cute. The title fits. Nat should be spelled gnat, if you're talking about the insect. :) I like this, it is kiddish, but also fun. I think you could ...

Hey baka-arisa! Please don't post your stories more than once. :) If it's different, at least change the title or say edited. I deleted the other one, but saved the ...

I walked into the kitchen just in time to her him say I think you mean hear him say. Becaue he knew that it would make me cry and he ...

I liked your story a lot! I've got a few comments, though. Your sentence structure is hardly varied. The *blank* did *blank* format is overused. There isn't any dialogue, or ...

I didn't actually read the glossary, but it seems like Grif and Liz already critiqued it. :D If only you could see the way I let out a small grin ...

He was never at rest, filled with a restless, frenetic energy that saw him propelled all about his small shop. The word rest is in here twice. "Such individuals are ...