The Hero’s Violet by Aianarie
A violet growing in the deep forest,
As blue as a clear summer sky,
And guarding its radiant beauty;
The valiant raven’s proud cry.
On days when dark clouds form,
And blackness blankets all,
This violet is an icon of hope,
So listen to its heavenly call.
Whatever is to come in the future,
Whether an end or a new begin,
A hero will rise from the twilight,
And let tranquility preside again.
The courageous one wanders the forest,
In search of truths unknown,
His laughter, their fear, his sword, her tear…
Shall this hero wander alone?
He finds the violet in the deep wood,
And instantly regains his faith.
His determined soul of gentle, pure light
Will disperse the evil’s wraith.
So gallantly he rides, in courage, of love,
To find the missing part…
To find the one that he loves most,
The bearer of his heart.
When the darkness cleared, the hero stood,
Atop the highest hill,
And at that moment he realized,
He had fulfilled his will.
Time long passed, destinies revealed,
But the eternal amaranth still grows there,
In the forest of light where he once stood,
The savior and his mare.
That violet growing in the deep forest,
As blue as the tear in her sad eye;
And under its radiant beauty…
The hero shall forever lie.
END.
~ AUTHOR'S NOTES: If anyone can guess where I got the general idea for this poem, c'mon, let's write something together. 
~
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I also didn't appreciate the two-line format nor the flow, but I really liked the imagery that you depicted. It seemed a little cliched at first, but I grew to like it.
Good job.
I noticed that you used the word Amaranth. I find this intruiging because when you describe the flower in other parts of the poem, you are describing it as if it is really there but the reference Amaranth means it is imaginitive. You also contrast the flower by first saying that it is blue, then Amaranth (purple), and back to blue. Perhaps you would consider revising the word, as that seems to be my only concern with this. An excellent poem, amaranths aside.
This was a little too long for me. The theme was cute, but I lost interested after the first few stanzas. Maybe you could shorten it a bit?
It would have been easier to read if the rhythm and syllable patterns were consistent. It seems like you compromised those for the rhyming, which also had some inconsistencies. For me, this type of poem is best read out loud, and if you can't do that without tripping over words, it needs some editing.
Thanks for posting.
Jenna
I actually liked it. I really liked it. The idea was great, the use of vocabulary was amazing, and I found almost no errors with the rhythm. I thought it was really good, and if you can get better than this, you will one day be amazing. Good work.
It's not the best piece and I'm not fond on the two line format but I like the idea and the symbolism of the violet lies close to my own heart so I'm very tempted to forget the mistakes and say I loved it but then what sort of evaluator would I be?
I don't think a regular rhythm would work with this but a better flow would be nice and the imagery isn't always original but it's pleasant. This piece has the potential to be better and I'm intrigued as to where you got the idea...
I suggest reading this out loud to yourself. I expect you'll find many instances where the words catch in your mouth. Fix these and you'll fix the flow, which right now is looking rather amateur.
This is an interesting idea, and I could actually see a lot of allusions to different legends and stories.
There are a few reasons this doesn't work for me.
1) It's generic. Just another story of a hero and his love, etc.
2) Two-line stanzas with the common beginner's mistake of ending every line with punctuation, especially commas. Doesn't have to be that way. If you were to write the two lines as a sentence, would you still put the punctuation there? Look at it.
3) Rhythm. It doesn't flow. You're trying to end on the rhyming word and it makes the end result choppy and uneven. This makes the reading unnatural and leaves the bad taste of immaturity in the reader's mouth.
Focus more on improving your story and the way you present it. I think there could be a good idea hidden in there, but it'll take a lot of work to bring it out.