Jay

I am so totally in love with this right now. I like the way you build up character and give the piece personality through the small, subtle details. It's also ...

Wow, this was amazing-you have lots of potential with this idea. You have a likable protagonist and an interesting and mysterious villain. It's well-described and suspenseful. Congratulations on writi

First of all, if you do add a romantic interest, don't make him die. Don't make Annie die either! At the moment, Erin has enough trauma-she's just found out her ...

Hi there! I was quite impressed by this-it's unique and mysterious. It's short, suspenseful and gripping. I like how it's not too wordy. I get a mystery/fantasy/adventure vibe from it, ...

Wow. This is gritty, fast-paced and dramatic. I was really impressed-it's compelling without getting too heavy. "Whistfull" should be 'wistful', by the way. I think the first paragraph is unnecessary.

Hi there! Remember, for every piece of work you post, you need to post two critiques-so you need to do two critiques to catch up. This is a suspenseful, moving ...

(This is just a review of the first post) The beginning dialogue between the protagonist and her boyfriend in the beginning just seem so unrealistic for high school kids. Remember, ...

This is very engaging and appealing-teen drama with an intellectual, critical twist. The protagonist is very well-realized-her personality is revealed through the small details, and her candid observa

It's very powerful-short but effective. Is this going to be the start of a longer story, or will you leave it like this? I would like seeing the situation develop, ...

A good beginning. This sort of thing isn't my personal cup of tea. However, from an objective perspective I like your use of detail, and how you use small details ...

You actually made me like something lovey-dovey! And that is not easy. I salute you. It's beautifully written and nearly made me cry. The idea is very unique too. It's ...

Hi! I really enjoyed reading this-it's funny, distinctive and engaging. You have a natural fluency and style with writing. The dialogue at the end should be broken up-start a new ...

First of all, if this is just your rough draft, you need to rework it first. The lines should be arranged into paragraphs, and that would make your writing much ...

The good: Creative, dreamy and poetically written. You have a gift with words and I'm really interested to see the direction you take this in. I'm pleased to say that ...

The cute and cuddly: There's just something irresistible about this-something eccentric and unassuming. It's a completely unique idea, and I would really like it to be a bit longer. I ...