JFW1415

I personally loved this. Although second person isn't the best, it can be done well; I've seen it before, in Mindstorms or something of the like. I don't think this ...

I definitely agree with the spacing. I ended up just editing this in Word, adding my own paragraphs so it was readable. :P Since YWS doesn't allow us to use ...

Oh, you do have chapter two up. Since you have a poem here, too, just re-look at your poem for the first one; it doesn't seem like it fits too ...

First, I really enjoyed this piece. It correctly showed the ever-changing relationship between mother and daughter. I don't believe you need more background; loads of kids only have one parent, ...

Aw, you're so mean; you're not allowing me to be nit-picky! I absolutely loved this. Very captivating; I have a list of questions in my head that I would continue ...

Wow, I feel stupid. I had no idea this was about Cleopatra. (Not because you portrayed it poorly, because I don't know a thing about her. :P) I'm assuming that ...

All right, the first thing I noticed about this article is that it was really long, then when I read through it, I realized that there were actually several paragraphs. ...

A everyone else said, this was too perfect for words. The only thing that can be improved (I think) is the age. It seems to keep switching from 5/6 to ...

Just a few things. Like everyone else, I believe it moved too quickly. The girl has a boyfriend she's aparently spending more and more time with, yet when this guy ...

This is an interesting story idea (in a good way.) If you do only want 15 examples, though, you might want to make each one longer. Maybe give tips? I'm ...

You're giving a speech to a crowd that includes judges? Cool. I would never have the guts to do that. :P All right, you said that you would put more ...

The characters are introduced too quickly. You pretty much rattle off some names. If you told us one or tow at a time, gave us some time, then introduced more, ...

This was really good. Most of the second person I have read makes the story sound odd, but this fit perfectly. Kudos on writing it this way; second person and ...

Well. That defiantely left me clinging to every word. :P I really understood how that boy must have felt. The only thing I found (I didn't really pay much attention ...

I liked the idea for this story, but the end seems slightly rushed. You had no detail in the end, so I couldn't picture it, which is probably why it ...