Published December 19, 2007
The main Novel I am writing is called 15 money making ideas and is for kids ages 8-18. It has a number of great ideas all year round. I might include some holiday themed ones too. If you have any ideas please post them. So far I have: Babysitting, Snow shoveling, raking leaves, assorted sales (ex: bake sale, et cetera) Toy Auction, Lemonade/food/drink stand as well as House sitter and Pet sitter. Any ideas?
Here is one of the ideas, all edited and fixed up:
A Guide to Snow Shoveling
A lot of people think that snow shoveling is simple, easy. Well, it's not always as easy as people tend to think, but it can be if you know how to do it properly.
First off, you need to decide: do you want a team of kids, or are you just going to do it on your own? If you do it on your own, you will have to put in much more effort, the work will be difficult, you will not be able to take on as many jobs,. Then again, you won't have to split the money you earn. If you have a team of kids you will put in less effort, take on more jobs, but you will have to share your earnings. You should decide what's best for you.
Appearence
You want to appear experienced to the costumer. One time, a teenager came to my door and simply pointed to his shovel. You won't get too many costumers by doing that.
If you want to look proffesional you are going to have to know what to say. If you stutter or talk very quietly it will appear to the costumer that you have no or little experience. You should have something simple and quick prepared beforehand. For instance: "Would you like us to shovel your driveway?" and then, when they ask you how much the service would cost, be prepared to give your price for everything: For instance:"The driveway is $5.00 d but the front and back porches as well as the walkway are another $3.00 $ each"
Equipment
You do not need a very expensive shovel. A simple but sturdy plastic one will do. Large ones are much stronger and better for driveways, while smaller ones are better for edges and smaller areas such as porches, walkways, et cetera.
Money and Prices
It is much easier to have one price for everything than to have a long speech listing a different price for each section. One of the most difficult challenges is deciding your price. More costumers will, of course, take a lower price, which allows you, in turn, to take on more jobs. However, if you have a higher price, you will be able to make a lot more money in one spot.
I've seen prices anywhere from $1.50 to $20.00, although most prices are between $5.00 and $10.00 or below. My price is $5$ for everything: driveway, front and back porches, and walkway. If the customer has something to be shoveled besides the sections listed - tops of cars, small sheds, et cetera -, it is an extra dollar. . But that's just me. Depending on your area and the sizes of driveways, prices can vary.
Snow shoveling can be a lot of hard work. But you can also earn a fair bit of cash. Just a little while ago, a friend of mine went out shoveling for a couple hours and made $125.00! (She had to split in with her teammate though) So there you go. Another money making idea and my chosen favourite.
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cool. I've been trying to find ways to get money and this kinda helped. Thanks!
This is an interesting story idea (in a good way.) If you do only want 15 examples, though, you might want to make each one longer. Maybe give tips? I'm not really sure, sorry!
Also, I don't think many 18 year olds would like this; they'd work at a fast-food restaurant or something. It would be good for younger kids, though.
Finally (before I become nit-picky,) do a lot of people still do this stuff? I don't know anyone who does anymore; they just use snowblowers. It might just be where I am, though.
This is just an opinion, but I think it would work better if you listed the attributes, and then explained why you needed each later on in the chapter.
Okay, I lied; I'm not doing a nit-picky review, I'm too tired. My advice? Lengthen it. Anyway possible. Save it, come back to it in a month or so, and add to it. That always helps.
Good luck!
EDIT: By the way, favorite is not incorrect. It is the American way to spell favourite. Same with colour/color. British people add random u's to lot's of words.
a few minor changes have been made. I am asuming this will take a few re-writes before it gets to a point where I'm satisfied. (Yes, I KNOW I have bad spelling skills, but don't balme me, blame my grade 4 teacher!" She thought the word "Favourite" was spelled: favorite!)
ANYWAYS, here goes:
A Guide to Snow Shoveling
A lot of people think that snow shoveling is just another way to scam people out of their money.However, if those people actually asked a snow-shoveler, they would have that it is a difficult buisness. Shoveling only one driveway requires many things. Strength, Intelligence (to decide on a proper price, hire a crew, et cetera), confidence ( to be able to approach a stranger and ask for the oppurtunity) and many other good qualities. It is not, in any way, simple.
First off, you need to decide: do you want a team of kids, or are you just going to do it on your own? If you do it on your own, you will have to put in extra effort, the work will be more difficult, and you will not be able to take on as many jobs.On the other hand, you won't have to split the money you earn. If you have a team of kids you will put in less effort, take on more jobs, but you will have to share your earnings. You should decide what's best for you.
Appearance
You want to appear experienced to the costumer. One time, a teenager came to my door and simply pointed to his shovel. You won't get too many customers by doing that.
If you want to look profesional you are going to have to know what to say. If you stutter or talk very quietly it will appear to the costumer that you have little or no experience. You should have something simple and quick prepared beforehand.
For example, "Would you like us to shovel oyur driveway?" When they ask how much the service will cost, be prepared to give a price for everything. For instance, "The driveway is $5.00 but the walkway, front, and back porches are another $3.00 each."
Equipment
You do not need a very expensive shovel. A simple but sturdy plastic one will do. Large ones are much stronger and better for driveways ( although they can be heavy and are not for younger children) while smaller ones are better for edges and smaller areas such as porches, walkways, et cetera.
Money and Prices
It is much easier to have one price for everything than to have a long speech listing a different price for each section. One of the most difficult challenges is deciding your price. More costumers will take a lower price, which allows you to take on more jobs. However, if you have a higher price, you will be able to make a lot more money in one spot. Once, my friend and I went out shoveling for a few hours and made $125.000!
I've seen prices anywhere from $1.50 to $30.00 , although most prices are lower than $ 20.00
. My price is $5$ for everything: driveway, front and back porches, and walkway. If the customer has something to be shoveled besides the sections listed - tops of cars, small sheds, et cetera , it is an extra dollar. But that's just me. Depending on your area and the sizes of driveways, prices can vary.
Snow shoveling can be a lot of hard work, but you can also earn a fair bit of cash. It's a very good way to earn money but takes a little bit of practice until you can shovel thoroughly and quickly. So don't get discouraged if it takes you an hour or so to do a driveway. Keep practicing!
( probably has a number of errors so don't be afraid to be harsh, look at what Dreami says. It's the critques that will help to improve stories. Not the complements. )
Cheers,
Nikki17
Sure, no problem. I applaud and admire you for taking my critique so well. =) Just keep pushing yourself and writing, and you'll improve.
thx beaverpop but I really don't need all the praise. YWS is for critiques. It makes me happy that you like it but try to focus more on the mistakes. Going through it now I can see tons of stuff I missed from my first edit.
Thank you very much Dreami you pointed out a lot of errors I would have missed.
I plan to add this to my Novel, 15 money making ideas. Which will not be finished for another few years.
Maybe you can come and see it when it's all nice and edited ?
Cheers,
Nikki
Remove 'well' because it makes you sound unsure, and also come up with another description instead of easy. As a curious reader, I ask, 'Why isn't it as easy as most people think?'. You really should back this up with details and evidence.
Remove 'much' before more, add in 'more' before difficult [although I would phrase this differently so I didn't use 'more' twice.] and after 'difficult,' add in 'and'. Also remove the comma at the very end.
I would change the phrase 'then again', to something else. Perhaps 'On the other hand,'
is spelt Appearance.
Customers.
Professional.
Little or no experience flows better. Also add in a comma right after quietly.
One long run-on sentance. And too many colons, and overuse of the word for instance. Try something like:
For example, "Would you like us to shovel oyur driveway?" When they ask how much the service will cost, be prepared to give a price for everything. For instance, "The driveway is $5.00 but the walkway, front, and back porches are another $3.00 each."
It also is alot harder to shovel with big ones, because you load on more snow and that gets heavy.
Remove phrases like 'of course' and 'in turn'. They sound like you are uncertain and trying to reassure yourself.
Just rephrase more directly.
Remove the ending, from (She had to split it ....) onward. Bring this to more of a close. Also, don't start sentances with 'but'. For example:
Snow shoveling can be a lot of hard work, but also very rewarding. If you are a smart entrepreneur, you can earn a good ammount of cash. [and so on...]
General Comments:
This was just average, nothing really stuck out to me in your writing or style. I don't know what you are planning to do with this, but I disagree with beaverpop101. As nice as it is to be praised and told that you have a great future as a writer, it's the critism that makes you grow. You have a lot of growth needed in your writing, but you're still young so it will come. Just don't get discouraged, listen to other people, and write write write!
I loved it but u put a d in a place there wasn't suppose to after a word but anything else I didn't see any other mistakes but it was very cute and as you told me you worked really hard on it and i can tell to I loved it and I think u have a great future as a writer just watch out for putting extra letters and you will do perfectly fine i have faith in you!