JFW1415

I second Peri. :roll: The dialogue was rather good, but I'm confused. If you gave her a setting, and everyone faces, I think this could be a lot better. Also, ...

I really don’t feel like editing this, since the only thing I can really comment is the punctuation. Underline book titles, italicize thoughts, don’t write a name instead of ‘[name] ...

Hello again! Same format as always. Highlighted Comments 1. Suggestion: ‘…he examined it until the shapes became clear.’ ‘Suddenly’ is an evil word. ;P 2. Breath doesn’t (or shouldn’t) c

Hello again! Same format as always. Highlighted Comments 1. Suggestion: ‘It’s not working out.’ I don’t like the ellipses… 2. This seems to contradict all the ellipses. Just talking softly, ...

A lovely in-depth critique to convince you to stay? :P Make sure you give warnings when you rate something ‘R.’ It's not a rule, but some people will read stuff ...

Hello again! Same format as always. Highlighted Comments 1. Maybe show how sudden this is? 2. Ellipses are generally not good, and this is no exception. I would reword this ...

Hello! Here's the critique I promised. ;P Just a warning: this is really long. Feel free to completely ignore me - I can be harsh. :oops: The numbers next to ...

The rant is gone! ;P Same format as always. Highlighted Comments 1. Is he thinking this? If so, italicize. 2. I’d prefer it if he said this, rather than the ...

She collapsed in the garden, her arms on a stone bench with her head buried in them and wept. And then—a flash of light! She lifted her head to see— ...

I bundled my too-large, second-hand coat around myself as I paused on the path back into the orphanage. The main bulk of the dormitories loomed to my right, and behind ...

But this would not be easy, for n either us n or the girl. I'm pretty sure that's needed... Alaye put out a delicate hand and touched the girl’s forehead ...

That was so great! It's amazing how real characters can seem to a reader. I'm certainly glad you got a good grade on it - it was wonderful. My only ...

The promised critique! Please don't be mad at me. In your original post you said just be general, but you just posted saying you wanted us to be nit-picky, so ...

Hello again! Same format as always. Highlighted Comments 1. Re-look at this. I’m not sure if ‘you’ is intentional, since he technically sends the texts to the phone, and the ...

The promised critique! The numbers next to the highlighted parts correspond with the numbered comments below. NOTE: I took out 'Amen,' because I had no comments on it and it ...