JFW1415

Again, sorry I made you wait so long for these critiques! Nit-Picks “Don’t fall ‘sleep!” Serena cried out. The kid nodded; it was evident in his eyes that he intended ...

You requested this critique some time ago, and I'm finally getting to it. Sorry I took so long! Nit-Picks Benny lay in his bed. His little eyes were not yet ...

I'm not doing a full critique, because you made some obvious errors that you need to fix yourself. 1. Typos! Just run this through a spell-check. Nate even supplies you ...

Nit-Picks Grand Elder Denniete sat back from her table, relaxing[s],[/s] and breathing deeply. She had told Grand Elder Goash that it would happen- no, she told herself, no, I didn’t ...

Nit-Picks Jaresh had been sitting in the little roadside tavern for what felt like days, but he knew it had really been less than an hour. He was only on ...

Nit-Picks Jaresh peeked through the tiny gap in his curtains, looking out of his window and into the square. The statue of the Warlock, Froll, stood towering above the buildings ...

Nit-Picks Lastly, her eyes settled on a figure towering over her bed. She was in a bed? Icky paragraph much? Let us feel her slowly adjust to her surroundings, feel ...

Nit-Picks Mel- the blinded Mel- groaned inwardly. This meant trouble, surely. Narrators can’t really switch names like that – call her Melody. Her brain couldn’t take it. He r legs ...

Nit-Picks As she skipped up the stairs to her floor in the dusty hotel, Melody Lowe counted each one, though she already knew exactly how many there would be when ...

Nit-Picks Melody looked up from her car seat, giggling. Her mother was smiling at her from the passenger seat, tickling her toes. Melody squirmed and laughed harder. Her father joined ...

Yay! I get to rip yet another story to pieces. J You should go thank Sam. She convinced me to critique these pieces, ‘cause she’s so freakin’ amazing. Oh, and ...

Nit-Picks By the way, I'm not pointing out the good stuff. If I did, we'd be here all day. “Stop that.” Who is speaking? “Let me go,” she whispers, but ...

*Glee* I knew it was just the action you needed work on. This was, once more, amazing. I was surprised when I found myself on the last page, and it’s ...

Before I Read Aw, it’s not in my format! :( Oh well, this version’s easier to alter than the other type you usually use. And I’m soooooo sorry about the ...

I'm finally done! First off, I'm really sorry about the wait. Life's been crazy lately. Chapter Six will be critiqued next, though - don't worry! Only one main problem with ...