JFW1415

Too Many Details I know that everyone always says “add detail, add detail!”, but in a lot of places here, you added too much detail. I don’t need to know ...

Here’s the promised critique. Keep in mind, though, that I’m not very good at poetry, so this won’t be a great critique. =] I know poetry is supposed to be ...

I swear I’m not only reviewing this because it’s short! Honest! No, really! ...Okay, maybe I am. But it’s still a review, so deal. =] Honestly, this feels more like ...

Ouch, that was harsh of her! Aww, you’re mean to Issaiah. But be proud that you can make me say that! I like how you had me get a feel ...

Before I begin, I must say that I loved that last sentence. “be a little crass” – so perfect. Anyways, this was good, and it’s a nice outlook on life. ...

Show vs. Tell I’m sure you’ve heard this a thousand times before, but you have a classic show vs. tell scenario here. You spend a lot of time telling me ...

Places Where You Can Add Background I’m not entirely sure what background information you want to add, but here are some spots where it would work well: Drinking was illegal ...

A Hook Right off the bat, I’m not very hooked. I would suggest switching to passive voice here. I know that’s a huge “no-no”, but you’re attempting to make the ...

Hello! I haven't reviewed in ages - I never even noticed the site was down - but I saw this, read it, and felt like making a few small comments. ...

Prefaces are almost never needed. Unless you're planning on switching POV or jumping forward or backward in time significantly, make this chapter one. This is pretty good, but you need ...

If you want us to really feel the fear, to feel like we're the child on the bed, you're going to have to delve deeper. A lot deeper. Lines like ...

I didn't read this entire thing, but I did skim through it, and I can see that you're trying to do something I played around with before - rambling. You ...

This isn't really a short story, because it's not a story at all. A story has a beginning, middle, and end. It has 3-D characters with emotions. It has a ...

A few business things first: 1. Why would this woman take time to see this man? He's clearly unprofessional. It's expected to be clean-shaven for work, yet he shows up ...

I have to say I really really liked this... until I hit the flashback. That's not what I wanted at all. I wanted Diane to be all better, not some ...