Was it his paints that were placed in a simple wooden box? Possible. Was it his sheet of paper? Perhaps. Was the magic in his simple brush? Most probably. That was most certainly not the answer, let us see the logic. How can something so astonishing be hidden in a simple wooden brush? Or maybe the correct question to be asked was how a boy so ordinary has such outstanding talent, a boy so shy, so quiet. When people questioned him he would run and hide himself. That answered my question to why God hides such special abilities in us. This was why we must never question God’s will because there are some wonders in the world we must never question.
I finally asked him when I correctly phrased my question in order not to pressurize the boy and scare him off. He said when my ordinary brush dipped in my plain paints touches the sheet suddenly I feel happier and know what I’m doing. It’s not something in the objects it’s in me and only I can control it. What I want to paint depends on my mood and I express myself on a piece of paper with colors. Each color represents my emotion. He showed me a piece of his work and it was incredible but something about it felt wrong I asked him what did he feel when he painted this, he said I felt anger after I had to run from them. I asked why he runs and why not just face the world, he said that he was given this extraordinary talent on a condition that I will not fully expose it. He said it was given to make me happy not to make other astonish and he will only expose it when he is old enough. I was satisfied with this answer. On my way I thought of another question why do such amazing things be disguised in such simplicity that they just pass before our eyes? I soon found the answer that they are not for us to be discovered and that the magic is always in us and not the things that we have. We have to go ahead in life and discover our own talents and not look at others.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,856 Reviews
I swear I’m not only reviewing this because it’s short! Honest! No, really!
...Okay, maybe I am. But it’s still a review, so deal. =]
Honestly, this feels more like a short article than a story. It’s all telling, rather than showing. You don’t allow the reader to come to any conclusions on his own; instead, you lecture at the reader. In an article, this isn’t that bad, but this is a story.
However, you had an area where you could really turn it into a story. Here’s an example, using your words:
I finally asked him when I correctly phrased my question in order not to pressurize the boy and scare him off.
“When my ordinary brush dipped in my plain paints touches the sheet suddenly I feel happier and know what I’m doing. It’s not something in the objects it’s in me and only I can control it. What I want to paint depends on my mood and I express myself on a piece of paper with colors. Each color represents my emotion.” He showed me a piece of his work and it was incredible but something about it felt wrong.
“ What did you feel when you painted this?” I asked.
”I felt anger after I had to run from them.”
Basically, just turn it into prose, rather than just a ramble. You have the idea there – the conversation with the woman – so take it and run. You don’t need to mention a thousand other moments, just focus on this one to show the reader about God’s will. Add emotion to it: make the woman confused, the boy stare at his painting, the silence echo. Add details and depth to the story, and the reader will figure out your message on his own. It’s a story; make us think a little!
PM me with any questions.
~JFW1415
Hi!
I haven't written a review in ages, so forgive me if this isn't great...
Anyway, here goes!
So I really liked the beginning, the questions and short answers are very intruiging. A good hook.
However, some sentences, like this:
Are quite confusing. Why is it most certainly not the answer? Maybe you're implying that the previous answer isn't logical, in which case you'll need to link the two fragments: put 'so' instead of a commma, or something like that.
It might just be me, but this seems a little too wordy. I'd get rid of the 'himself'.
Corrections in bold
This is how I'd put it. Having him actually speaking the words makes it easier to read, and gives the boy a certain personality. Also, be careful with punctuation. I noticed you left out a few commas, so just make sure to proof read carefully.
This is an example of lacking punctuation. It's pretty tiring to read. Keep a watchout for that
Also, maybe you could explain why the piece of work felt wrong?
*not to make others astonished
Another piece of advice: when the boy is supposed to be saying something, I suggest putting it in speech marks - right now its a bit of a mix of him speaking and the narrator saying what the boy said. An example:
Here it sounds like he was given the talent so that the narrator would not fully expose it, which I don't think is what you were implying. If you don't want to put speech marks, just watch out for things like this
In #BF0000 ">red: this is too vague. On the narrator's way where? Home? To the market? Please precise, otherwise it distances the reader from the story.
I like the ending: it's clever, interesting, a good message to pass on. Just beware of the punctuation, apart from that it's great!
So, overall, this is an interesting little piece. It is slightly vague, and a little confusing, but maybe that's what you intended - to mystify the reader. I'm interested to know if this is part of something bigger, or if it's just going to be left as it is. Either way, it gives off a nice message.
As I said earlier, be careful with punctuation and speech, but, once you've got that sorted, it's fine
If you have any questions, PM me.
Hope I helped!
~Lilicia