JC

Angel, you have been an absolute doll when it comes to this. Thank you very, very much. At this point I have to ask whether or not those of you ...

Thank you so much for your advice on third person. As I said, I normally write in first, so this is an adventure. And again, thank your for the critiques. ...

Third person vs. First person. YA doesn't mean first person. It means that it was meant for a specific age group. But I do see what you mean about it ...

Pandapez: Thank you so much for the nitpicks. I really see what you mean. :) Loose: Again, you have a very good point. I'll add more about Kimber, and it ...

Thank you both very much. I knew I needed a lot of work, especially with this chapter. I really see what both of you mean about the whole showing vs. ...

close to an uncontrollable longing. You get the exact same thing Actually, it isn't the same thing. The longing isn't incontrollable. The fear is, please read the sentence the way ...

I understood that from several points, but regardless, tense has to be consistent. Telling a story in past and present tense gets confusing to the reader. Can she not instead ...

It’s odd; I find it easy to remember the planes and angles of his face, and the deep timbre of his voice, but can’t quite recall the vivid memory of ...

I like it this way a lot better. There were still a few errors in flow and wording, but it was much better than the original draft, or at least ...

The purpose of the placing, was yes, specific. There's more than one way to read this, and reading it in each way ties the meaning together. should.

When I was normal, when I had friends and spoke up during class, when my life hadn’t been changed by Will Sheldon, I loved insignificant facts. This is awkwardly formatted. ...

Squall: In the first draft of this, I realized that I was making Arion a burden to her friends, but that's not supposed to be the case. They want to ...

EDITED: Thank you all very much for your helpful critiques, I think it's made this section much better. Tell me what you think about the changes.

I think the way she has it is right for what she was saying, Theophany. The thing is, her character isn't going to just a new school, it's another new ...

The thing is, John doesn't really feel for her, it's more of a material relationship. Everything in this story is metaphoric, and it's extremely subtle but is more obvious as ...