JC

Not a bad start. It was short though. I'm sure if you wanted to you could add some flashback, a short scene or something where she's with her family and ...

Ah...that was an abrupt ending =D I must say, I thought your first chapter had a whole lot more emotion. For this being her seeing her mom for the first ...

For some reason a lot of things in this really bugged me... Suggestions: Teenagers these days? I'm assuming you mean middle school, in which case cool, you caught the air ...

but deep down I knew when that baby was born it would be my little minion, I could train it to be my slave and to do whatever I told ...

Okay...I am officiall confused. Can I just have a character list...names and who they are...this includes creatures. Then can I have a plot list. I honestly have no clue what's ...

Okay, so it's beginning to get me more...and I've realized why it wasn't before... Genre-Skipping: Have you ever noticed that this is in the 'other fiction' section? Well, of course ...

I had a little troube knowing what was going on...I kinda spaced out near the middle. (“OOmpf! (gurgle!) SERIPH!”), Yeah...I read that like five times, and still didn't get it... ...

“But we live so far apart.” James concluded, suddenly looking blue. “Yeah…” Elayne said sadly Another paragraph should start when Elayne says "Yeah..." and the paragraph after this one shoul

This was sad, in a very...classic way, which was very cool. I loved the beginning when she was looking at the snow, your description is just beautiful there. Tres bien. ...

I agree with Magicman, the last line was almost too...funny for the tone set earlier. For some reason, the part where the girl talks to him and he doesn't know ...

Then the make-up process began: foundation, to even out her, already perfect, tan skin ; mascara, to lengthen flirtatious eyelashes; eye shadow, to accentuate dark eyes like drops of honey; ...

Wow, that was a lot of reading. I couldn't find anything before this, and I had no idea what Geezers property (part four up) meant, but it was the smallest ...

CRIT FOR FIRST PART! From the doorway I could see the ice-blue of her eyes under naturally long, dark eyelashes and arched brows, the mouth set in its usual frigid ...

Yay! so you decided to continue this! That's awesome. This was awesome. I couldn't find any that was good =D Bravo. Also, it flowed really well. Although it was a ...

Hey, it seems Imp has taken care of all the little details, so I don't have much to say. I liked this just as much as the first one, my ...