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Re: Fly
This is a little cliched in some parts, but one line that I like a lot in particular is "Faster than their lies." This is a powerful line, suggesting that ...
Dec 2, 2013 -
Re: Imagination (extended version)
Thoughts blooming like a lotus; (Alliteration. Some people hate it. I LOVE it. Bravo! :) ) Full of compassion and beauty, (This is a little dull. Compassion and beauty are ...
Dec 2, 2013 -
Re: I close my eyes, but whirlpools dance on the rim of my brain
"I'm just so tired of roaming the world and building castles in the dusk. My brain feels like a senseless ruin, a shack, an ivory landscape. Nothing makes any sense. ...
Nov 10, 2013 -
Re: A Witch In The Modern World
You bring up some good, valid points. (I understand as I used to be a witch.) However, this is, overall, a weak poem. Too many weak words and phrases. Easy ...
Nov 9, 2013 -
Re: Am I Really?
I love this poem, except for the ONE thing: "In my rusty shed, was a thing of rope. It asked for a hug. So I let it hug my neck. ...
Nov 8, 2013 -
Re: Dispossession
"I was constrained Uncomfortable in my own skin You were the kind to glorify sin You ran in brilliant shades of confidence" Already, I am captivated by your command of ...
Nov 8, 2013 -
Re: First poem.
Yikes, that is a sad ending. This could be SO much more powerful. For instance: Change "kids on bike and having fun" To something like: "children racing 'round on bikes" ...
Nov 8, 2013 -
Re: Show me
I like the ideas you presented, however it is a little generic in description. "reflects off the sea", "illuminates the snow". Reflects and illuminates could both be switched while still ...
Nov 8, 2013 -
Re: Sunsets
"The pink and yellow splash together, As puffy white clouds float lazily by like a feather." Chi, this is an awesome poem. I didn't know you wrote, really, until you ...
Nov 8, 2013