Incandescence

A.b., You meshed a whole bunch of boring ideas into even more boring prose. Just this evening I have seen the freedom/flight comparison at least three times. As for peace ...

abbisnall, No amount of editing will rescue this. S2 is stifled by the machine-gun lines; the repetition of the words "harsh" and "elastic" were unwarranted and displayed a general lack ...

mizz-iceberg, Before working your words into a form such as rhyme, you should first refine your writing to a point that would make formal structure empower it. As it is, ...

xhalcyonx128-- This is all tell and no show. It is the distillation of an idea espoused by many New Age spiritualists and what-not ("The only perfection is imperfection," "Be whoever ...

ScarletMonkey, To my ear, you have constructed a bunch of images placed haphazardly across the page to "support" some grandiose unifying themes of life/decay/time. You could have chosen to take ...

miaow, This is an overdose of emo "sensibility" with less-than-striking rhetoric resolved into a jumbled mess on my computer screen. I see in S3 that the technique that says "shorter ...

Maki-chan, This starts poorly and goes nowhere. Lines like "A love so pure / Being there for each other" are the stuff of parody. The close, with its reference to ...

TwistedTransistor, I'd be only too delighted if the specific suggestions Suzanne made would actually benefit the poem overall. However, no amount of capitalization or linebreaks is enough to wrench th

1dering at stars, Ah, yes, the classic string of descriptions that leads the reader nowhere and leaves him with nothing new. The lines you have here simply stay atop the ...

Elitehusky, Thanks for comments and sorry for the chaos. =] Cheers, Suzanne, An astute observation re: life in my recent poetry--namely, there is none. [I'm well on my way to ...

Hi all, Thanks for your generous responses. For those not in the room at the time, this is a response piece to a poem by Stephen Mueske (not a terribly ...

Dear poeticweakness4, No. This is not poetry. It is a tour of your navel at its most nauseating, and most of it amounts to: "X then Y, Y then Z..." ...

kitty, This is a less than original idea rendered in less than original prose with funky linebreaks and spacing. Did you even bother to read through this before posting it? ...

Phindin-- This is as poor as anything. Repeating "Lost. Lost blahblahblah" every so often didn't work. Repetition is used effectively in poetry when the it will be meaningful or somehow, ...

kazie-- This is pretty lame stuff. The short lines don't carry enough structural or narrative importance to merit their isolation (Let's not even get started on the topic of your ...