Incandescence

Everyone, My thanks for taking the time to read and respond. I was hoping the last line, being off-metered, would indicate a shift from the dog's belongings to the owner's. ...

Sgt. Pepper, I appreciate the sincerity of this approach. I am, however, left baffled and, almost, intrigued by the ideas. Still, there are spots where you have slipped into cliche ...

Hi Elizabeth, I will refrain from serious comments, since your poem refrained from serious questions. Give it some fat-trimming (there's quite a bit to chop off--watch that your blade doesn't ...

Prosithon, You can do much better than this. Maybe a lack of perspective on the subject, and so an excess of focus and detail. Nothing seems real to me; rather, ...

Hi Tropicana, This poem strikes me in two lights. The first is that it was written -- like most poems are -- at the onset of personal, emotional breakdown. The ...

Greetings SlickJimmy, I hope you are finding the Young Writers Society a helpful and informative place. I am instantly put off by the leek speak in the title. The rest ...

Hi Cameron, Welcome to the forums! I'm sure you've found your way around by now, but if you have any questions, feel free to ask. As for the poem, I ...

Hi there Mesh, I see potential here. However, I am left wondering what it is you are desiring. You might "swoon" for the unknown "you" (or is it directed to ...

Sara, This light looks good on you. Unfortunately, you're not in it, or else it's morning--I'm not sure which. This reminds me of the pursuits of a child who has ...

Hi Bjorn, I think your advocacy of Marx-by-itself is misguided. It is only through Lenin and Stalin that Marxism actualized itself in the world. Just as many, many Christians today ...

Cicero, I’m not sure what to suggest with regards to this poem. It has two distinct problems. (1) The narrator can’t remove her/himself from the proceedings for even an instant ...

Hi everybody, (In order of response...) Faith--your comments mean more when you aren't passing out on an ugly tile floor, catching the glittery colors as they sweep across the ceiling. ...

Hi RoseEmma, I hope you find YWS a helpful community. As for this: is it all in the voice? There are a number of false starts here, but nothing that ...

For xanthan: Remnants of Auschwitz writers? I wonder. Some in-line suggestions: Tinder and ash. On top of shoes, it ["it"? Ash? Clarify, please] slides (and whisks off) into (the )corridor-darkness. ...

Hi xanthan, Enjoyable. This builds to quite a climax. I wonder if L8 and L9 are really working for their living or secretly working on their own agendas, flirting with ...