The Best Friend
A best friend,
Someone who you cherish above all else,
Someone you can laugh with about boys, make-up – anything and everything.
Someone who sets aside time for you, just to talk.
Someone who knows when you’re upset, who cares about you.
But then it all changes,
They just decide to spend that time which was set a side for you is for someone else
Their msn name is changes to other girls names where yours once was
Then, when they’ve been ditched just like they did to you,
They come crawling back to you,
They want you back.
But you’ve moved on.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hi RoseEmma,
I hope you find YWS a helpful community.
As for this: is it all in the voice?
There are a number of false starts here, but nothing that assembles to display wit. This needs it. Less adolescent navel-gazing, more thought (which is, presently, curiously absent from the poem).
It asks us what on earth it means to be best friends. Well may it ask.
All the best,
Brad
RoseEmma, I congratulate you on channelling your emotions in a productive manner, but if you are simply writing for therapeutic reasons, and have no interest in improving your work, you should probably keep it to yourself. Cheers.
Rosie, dear, if you want to enjoy being in this site, the attitude has got to go. Either say you are only posting it to share it, and don't want critiques, or expect people to tear it apart. That is the purpose of this site. When people give critiques, they only have the best of intentions. That is, they want to help their peers improve.
at least i dont talk to my imaginary friends!
Usually when someone posts a piece in the lit forums they're looking for someone to read and critique their work. Maybe next time you should post a note along with your poem that you don't want any comments??
no poetry whizz my arse...I only did it in a matter of minutes just to let my feelings out it's not like I wanted it to be scanned over by your beady little eye to see every mistake and I'll have you know that everyone feels like that at some point or another!
And i didn't bloody read the rules
You may want to look at some other people's work before you post your own. As Nate said in the rules:
You need to look at the flow of the lines. They're all over the place:
First Line: 3 syllables
Second Line: 10 syllables
Third Line: 18 syllables
Fourth Line: 8 syllables
And so on. I'm no poetry whiz, but I'm pretty sure they should all have a relatively close syllable count.
Er...that line didn't really make sense. Actually, everything after the first stanza was kind of confusing...maybe it's because of all the "they"s floating around there that you don't know who's talking about whom, but I found it a bit hard to follow.
that poem was just letting out my feelings at the moment. My best friend has just blown me off and I don't feel very close to her at the moment.
- More poems to come -