Published October 8, 2006
The world must be different, for those who can do the splits.
Spread their legs around the world.
In Tokyo, I see a foot.
In Canada, I see an eye.
Oh my, a tattoo on the back.
I will walk, across it’s thin lines, and bring myself above the clouds.
and while, I yell at the world below
I’ll cry to the world above.
Whatever happened to you?
Whatever happened to you?
The tears, will crawl down my face, fall through the clouds
and the people will think its rain.
Where’s the poet when I need him?
Dead, under some fallen leaves.
Split personalities.
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To the first person, I think that you're taking the poem too seriously.
To the second person, thanks for the reply, it was inpsired by this person that I know, but the story has no relavance to the poem, unless you're me.
To the third person, I think that I WILL have a version that ends with 'Where's the poet when I need him?'. Thanks for replying.
This piece IS really really good, except....
"those who can do the splits" -can there be another description here?
Then, can you omit the following?
Dead, under some fallen leaves.
Split personalities.
I was in awe when you led me into the line "Where’s the poet when I need him?"
I said to myself, "DAMN why cant I write like that. THen I read:
Dead, under some fallen leaves.
Split personalities.
And I said, hey! that sounds like something I would write. And you lost me.
very thought provoking! if you could, PM me and tell me what inspired this!
i really like it, it's very outside the element.
Sgt. Pepper,
I appreciate the sincerity of this approach. I am, however, left baffled and, almost, intrigued by the ideas. Still, there are spots where you have slipped into cliche territory.
It would be advisable to reframe this a little more cogently. For instance, the reference to "clouds" and being "above" worlds is lost on the reader (or THIS reader, anyway). Further, whenever you address the reader, I can not see where are you coming from (the clouds, perhaps?) or what it is designed to accomplish.
I look forward to a future version.
All the best,
Brad