Incandescence

Chandni - It's a pleasant scene suffering from an overdose of purple imagery and an absense of direction. At the end, the reader says, "and ...?" re: "...beneath our melancholic ...

Tropicana-- This is incoherent and (from what I could discern) meaningless junk. It wanders from a cup of coffee to what's on the radio without any recourse for either of ...

writingluver5 - Rework the conclusion (absent right now) and this will be vastly improved. While you're at it, take a careful look at S2 and compare it to the other ...

moosiegirl - What was it you thought you had written that was remotely "poetic"? This is not poetry; it is a boring story about diversity and the need for cooperation ...

TheEccentricScribe - This is a pretty standard, ineffective poor-poor-me rhapsody against an easy target. Poems like this always strike me as though the poet doesn't actually want improvement, but, ra

Hi sunshine girl - This is a collection of rambling generalities and forced, awkward rhythms, and it has virtually nothing to offer the sentient reader. It cannot be improved by ...

backgroundbob-- I'm impressed. Overall this is fine work in concept and execution. But. I feel that you have many instances of clumsiness--for instance, the first line. The title already gives ...

Trident-- (A much deserved response.) This is largely incoherent. I will give some in-line comments for you to consider. A flake of impure white Leaps to my desktop. Dandruff? Crystal-less ...

Hi, photoboothx

Cameron-- This is nice. Some in-line suggestions: ˜This dream is tailor made, " you whisper beneath a brooding sky: weathered cornstalks set in contrast to the darker firmament. ˜Only for ...

Hi, photoboothx

Luxor-- Welcome to the YWS Poetry forums. You should be ashamed of posting this swill. Look around at what others have posted, and the type of feedback they have received, ...

lexy: I don't see any redeemable material here. You have some cliches (fading into his arms). You have an event that leads to name-calling. The one-word lines are sure-fire signs ...

ilubdraco-- When I got to the end of this piece and read, "...I hope your last few months are magical", the only thought that came to mind was, "Is she ...

Hi Fantasyfreak14, What is this stuff? S1L2 is the end of this poem--the rest is filler. There's no doubt you have potential, but it is not enough to save this. ...