Published November 21, 2006
Will it ever occur to you,
-figuratively speaking-
the sundown, which saluts
the massive damp,
The radiance
exposing that coral tint,
shatters the navy atmosphere?
Take notice
By the horizon at spark,
across the sting
of a forest at dawn
where the glow dissolves,
-well, figuratively speaking-
the white afar is seen
May it be the only white,
true sailors seek
Will it ever occur to you,
-literary speaking-
the flaring white
acquires
its conjugated force,
the cosmic energy?
Will it occur to me,
the name
of that which inspired me,
“El Faro Blanco”
now figure,
what language are we speaking?
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141,746 Literary Works • 675,670 Reviews
Yes I agree, I've indeed argued myself through "beneath our melancholic ocean" line. I will edit indeed, thnx for enlightning my image a bit
Chandni -
It's a pleasant scene suffering from an overdose of purple imagery and an absense of direction.
At the end, the reader says, "and ...?"
re: "...beneath our melancholic ocean." This kind of line is enough to sap the energy from better work than this piece.
Get the chainsaw and cut away all the verbosity. Then figure out if you actually have anything to say here.
Best,
Brad