Incandescence

All: Thank you very much for considering this. I understand some confusion to have arisen in your contemplation; first, it is a response to global terrorism, 9/11, and second, it ...

ibelieve_inme - Any possible revision I would have would begin with scrapping this entirely. If you won two awards with this (from poetry.com, no doubt), why would you post it ...

Dreamer-- The halting voice has its way here, along with worn, monosyllabic rhymes. Too often poetry goes lacking in this fragmented, too choppy and wayward verse. It would seem the ...

Samar - This is pretty pale, dull stuff. A snoozer that does not rise above the flat-lining letter home to a lover. Language too ordinary, fatigued by little investment of ...

Mr. Everyone, The absence of poetry, metaphorical lapses conjure a linear narrative of small means. Voice runs on and finds itself describing items, as opposed to the embodiment of a ...

bleedingheart4u_2008, Please tell me you aren't serious about this. If you are, I think you've come to the wrong place with it. It's a collection of rambling generalities and prosey ...

viggo-- It's been done too many times to be effective any longer. Take "thought before it is cleaned" and find something other than the rest of this to surround it. ...

Chanson-- This is good, a fine portrait that brings the person to life. I had trouble wrestling with what you were trying to convey in the last line. In the ...

blackwings_angel: I do mean to be harsh. There must be 10,000 poems on the internet that are indistinguishable from this. The innocent boy/girl who loses his/her closest relatives, the questions ...

Hi there, Sara - Some good stuff here. Consider: black balloons break sin over D-day parades, where we march, skulls on baton heads, bloodshot eyes begging "heavenly light, fall down ...

Chandni-- You might have something worth working with here, but the delivery is just terrible. It's a flat and abstract piece with an incoherent jumble of references that only mean ...

Darkeye-- This is bad prose with linebreaks, and it's really, really bad prose - an adolescent take-off on some sort of soap opera-Lovecraft scene without the imagination or language skills ...

CL: The problem with this (at least to my ear) can be summed up in a single word - voice. The speaker here presents him (or her, though based on ...

Hi, Elizabeth - I hope not too many potentially useful electrons were sacrificed in the creation of this--an evaluation you appear to share. Do you have anything you'd like to ...

pandoraswritings: All of your recent posts reflect the same error: the narrator finds him or herself excessively interesting. The character you present in this is not anything to sympathize with. ...