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Re: *Still untitled*
I like how honest and frank this is.
Aug 1, 2005 -
Re: my sushi blueboy
Beautiful. Unique. Wish I wrote something like that.
Aug 1, 2005 -
Re: a double-shot expresso at midnight
I really like how well you convey the mood here. Very sexy but not too overt. I don't like the Marilyn Monroe reference, though. I think I have a clear ...
Jul 31, 2005 -
Re: coke and pain
Nice modern flare
Jul 24, 2005 -
Re: Goin' Nowhere (Very short and and very terrible)
Hey! Give yourself some credit. Add another six verses and you have a verifiable rap in the works.
Jul 22, 2005 -
Re: "In with the Old"
Should I take a cue from e e cummings and keep all "I" "she" and "girl" (the new chick) references in lower case (regardless of grammar) so that they better ...
Jul 21, 2005 -
Re: faux infidelities in paris
Wow. Very strong. Good progression toward your point. I particularly like [quote]['sweetheart you're a badchick with all those hairflicks, those cheaptricks.'] [/quote]
Jul 21, 2005 -
Re: Who
Boy do I know that feeling. Good use of your anger. If I may make a suggestion: [quote] With the ego that shouldn't be there? [/quote] I'm sure you can ...
Jul 21, 2005 -
Re: I HATE POETRY!
Cute. I really want to hand you my dog-earred anthologies of poetry so you can read the funny and profound out of meter and rhyme.
Jul 21, 2005 -
Re: Cat-Scratched Eyes
About the "cat-scrathed" v "snake skin" debate; WHY WRITE SOMETHING IF IT DOESN"T MAKE SENSE TO YOU? NEVER WRITE SOMETHING BECAUSE YOU THINK IT SOUNDS COOL. Poetry communicates. It shouldn't ...
Jul 21, 2005 -
Re: raindrops on earlobes
I like that your poem addresses a certain but unkown person.... it gives you a good sense of direction. Try reading this outloud to yourself, though. You may find some ...
Jul 21, 2005 -
Re: suckerpunch
You have a avery clear voice and tone, as well as strong imagery. I would suggest rethinking the lines referencing the hallway. It dates you and the poem to school ...
Jul 21, 2005 -
Re: Pulse
No trash; no crying.
Jul 11, 2005
