Published July 18, 2005
i would love to have something
beautiful to tell you, something
that would make your eyes shine
from the inside and not just because
the matches are setting them alight in
blue-flamed glory.
i want to tell you that the little things
are worth holding on for,
little things like the feel of bare feet
on grass when there is still dew on the
flimsy pieces of yellow-green.
little things like the taste of chocolate
licked off a lover's fingertip.
little things like running so fast along
an open road that it hurts to breathe and
you have to fling yourself to the ground and watch
the clouds swim by.
i want to make you bloom again
and see the flush of something like
happiness underneath your pale
cheek that burns like death in this black room.
because death doesn't need hospitals or sickness
to touch us and i know that it feels like
you're tried to get up again. i know you're afraid
to speak out because it seems so cliché to feel this way,
they'll blame it on the age
"he's 17, they all feel this way"
please take my hand and come up here with me
where the air tastes like honeysuckle,
where the sun is filtered through
gentle white clouds. please open up
your heavy door, walk outside,
steal a chocolate bar, come to my
bedroom and lie beside me until
your heart starts to beat regularly again.
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140,565 Literary Works • 673,441 Reviews
here it is...
I like that your poem addresses a certain but unkown person.... it gives you a good sense of direction. Try reading this outloud to yourself, though. You may find some phrases that break your rhythm. Iambs work better. (ie re-gu-lar-ly a-gain)
that means that it's worth keeping yourself going just for the little things.
i didn't know you wrote that.
but, sometimes, all you can do is apologize. and i apologize for this poem.
so, i completely changed it. and it's still awful but it's better then last time. and i changed the phrase.
i'm tired.
AGH! Too many "ands!" Take them out and it sounds so much better. You could also take out "not." Basically, just take out the first word out of these four lines.
What does this mean? It was painfully confusing.
Omygosh! Phrase stealer! I've used this before...but perhaps you didn't know it. *Shrugs*
Overall, it was a cliche poem. It wasn't anything I haven't read before but at least you're not like me and end up being too original that you become confusing. The last stanza was very sweet.