Horserider

At the same time, there was an important potential consequence of meeting this mystery someone. That she could be wrong and he could turn out to be a psychotic stalker? ...

So...these letters appear on her armoire with only her name on them and no return address and yet she just opens them right up? How does she feel about these ...

Rule #1 - Big blocks of text = bad. It's harder to read and fairly annoying. Is this a synopsis of your story? Because that's what it reads like. If ...

He gathered some sticks, about twelve and bashed them together. A splint shot from the sticks and into the tinder. Fire. He sat, feeling the heat on his naked skin. ...

Hunger Games was awesome! I admit there were parts where I wanted to slap Katniss, but the story overall was great. It was written in present tense which is a ...

It growled. What growled? Colours swirled and time echoed in upon itself. Suddenly an unfathomable void cut into my imaginings like some stepping onto thin ice. This line confuses me. ...

That certainly wasn't true- they all worked in predictable ways. You have some sort of hyphen obsession. :) This should either be a ; or : There was a sound, ...

“Willow?” I heard the door to the dojo slide shut. Door to the what? Is this slang I've never heard of? :shock: How is she really? Why does she have ...

As the last ray of the sun vanished behind the tower’s peak a sudden rage seemed to fill the crowd. This is a good hook. But put a comma after ...

I read it because I always like to read books before watching the movie. Personally I felt it dragged on a bit and it wasn't all that unexpected, but other ...

“So much for never hit a girl,” thought Ryan to herself as they slammed her head pack into the pavement. Thoughts are usually indicated by italics. I think '' marks ...

Why does the sunset? In this case it should “sunset” should be two words. “Why does the sun set?” “ask something else.” Capital A ;) “Huh?” she asked, general, fake ...

I don’t know about you, but there is no way I think like that. Who’s writing? Do they really think like that? post dramatic stress syndrome I believe you mean ...

get you ass out of bed, now your not you For a last attemt at escape, attempt "Who the hell keeps letting you into my freaking house?" I mummbled into ...

I was loosing my mind. losing Suddenly I heard a dog bark furiously from the other room. I pulled my hand away from my head like it was suddenly hot. ...