Hippie

Despite its shortness, this is quite a good beggining, and yes, it's worth continuing. There are a few things that could be improved. Take this for example. He approached the ...

To be honest, I think this wasn't quite as good as the previous part of the story. It was confusing at first, until I realised it was the ghosts of ...

Overall I think this is a solid beggining to a story. Considering it's only halfway through the first chapter, the main character's personality is coming together nicely, and he doesn't ...

This is unlike anything else I've ever read - but I loved it. The writing style is so engaging. I have read some other stories where it's as if the ...

Hi I won't bother telling you about paragraphing and grammar and all that fug. That's already been covered, and what you really need help with is character realism. At the ...

I was very impressed with the clarity of your writing. I only had to read this through once and feel like I have a perfect understanding of what's going on. ...

Your writing style is a lot like the way someone would tell a story around a campfire. That is, it would work well told verbally. Unfortunately, when someone reads a ...

As my good friend Kyllorac said, You have an excellent base. In fact, all three of your stories on YWS have a good plot, if a little simple, but that ...

You've got a storyline, but it'll need a lot of work. The main problem is that so much of it is narrative summary. You need to break all of the ...

Yo, my latest YWS buddy! This is quite an interesting and unique peice of writing. You said it was just a character development excercise, but I think it's such a ...

This looks a lot like my fist drafts - that is, lots of dialogue, but not much else yet. Which is okay for a first draft, but something to work ...

Hi there. I have to say I like the storyline here. It's the kind of fantasy that I like reading. At the moment the actual writing could be improved by ...

Welcome to Young Writers Society! I notice you have posted this without doing any reviews. The rules are that you must do 2 reviews to every story you post - ...

I was hoping to get revenge :twisted: but I couldn't find much wrong with this. I assume it's meant to be just an overview/prologue to give some background, so the ...

I certainly wouldn't use the word retinas twice in the same story, especially not this close together. Use another phrase, such as: another flash of lightning dazzled him. You asked ...