GryphonFledgling

Wow. This was really gripping. Circuses freak me out, and you captured - for me - the creepiness of the circus... Hehe. Your descriptions were wonderful. You have made a ...

He sat in one of the seats in the far back, his gaze fixed upon the other passengers. This is a little wordy. Consider - "He sat in a far ...

Well, with the first kiss, he could have been trying to be normal. He could have realized that he was being attracted to boys, but was confused why and so ...

I liked these. They sound like my own haiku drivel... My personal favorite was the first, though the two "Haiku Blues" ones are a close second. "I Heart Haiku" Short. ...

This was interesting. My only thing is how the mood of the poem changes so fast. It goes from a bit of peer bullying in school - nothing too bad ...

Wow, I like it. The edit is much faster and more streamlined, and so more powerful. The message almost got lost in the original because of the amount of words. ...

Hehe, I like your signature. I dunno about your plan to do just part 1... I was reading the original before I was called away and so I didn't get ...

I like the simplicity. You have some great language, but I liked how you keep it all within one house. I'm not sure what you meant by the giant ballroom ...

Wow. This was just fabulous. I loved your use of different forms of punctuation, spacing, and style in there (parenthesis, dashes, italics) - they just add so much to the ...

I'm not a poetry critic, so no help there, but I will say that I loved this. It was so lilting and the sentiment was so clear. I got the ...

I really liked the vague sense of it. It was an interesting style and it drew me in quickly. It did seem a little like rambling, but that was just ...

This was an interesting beginning, but in a way, I really didn't care about the characters.They need to be fleshed out more. Tell us more about Krista other than that ...

This is an interesting beginning. You could flesh it out a bit more, as Saint pointed out, but you have an intriguing idea. Why did Ivan have to kill Alex? ...

This was a good start, but you might want to add what the rivalry between these two is. Why are they fighting? How did Teslarhi confront the king? There is ...

This was so strange. I liked it a lot, but it was strange. Reading over your comment, when you talk about 'before' being before she met him, you might want ...