Published February 3, 2008
She squints in the light.
It isn’t the first time she has been outside; nor will it be the last, but the sunlight is still stunning to her. The brightness of it all made her cry out, upon first stepping outside, and shield her eyes. It is beautiful.
“What do you think?”
The coarse voice brings her back to reality. She cranes her neck to look behind her. He is there, looking at her hopefully, grinning shyly.
“It’s...it’s...”
“Are you glad I brought you out here? Are you happy?”
“Oh, yes...I mean, I am very glad you brought me out here. Thank you.”
He looks embarrassed, pleased, proud. “You’re welcome,” he says shyly.
There is a silence between them. Her eyes hungrily gaze at her surroundings; they like the light. Nearby a squirrel scrambles up a tree. “That’s a squirrel,” she says, without even realizing she has said it out loud.
Immediately after the words leave her tongue, she regrets them. Damn! She has made a terrible mistake.
She can feel his mood grow cold. Angry. Hurt. When he speaks, his voice is harsh.
“You know what a squirrel is? How the hell do you know that? Have you been outside without me? Have you? Answer me, damnit, answer me!"
He grabs the back of her neck and roughly turns her around, his face right in her face. His breath is hot and foul, his black eyes are staring into hers. “Answer me!” he hisses, his voice rising. “Answer me! How do you know?”
“I...I remember,” she gasps, trying to hold her breath so that she won’t have to breathe in his. “I remember...from before. Please let me go! You’re hurting me!”
His grip on her loosens slightly. “Oh...oh...” He says, looking down at the ground, dropping his hold her her entirely. “Oh...” Tears begin to fill his eyes. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I yelled at you. I was bad. Can you forgive me?”
“Oh, yes,” she says quickly, trying not to cry, herself. “Yes, yes, of course I’ll forgive you.”
He looks up at her bashfully, a shy smile on her face. “Thank you. I love you.”
“I love you, too,” she says. "Love" is a funny word, she thinks. She does not feel romantically towards him anymore, as she used to; all the kisses, caresses, powerful bursts of affection, passionate feelings, they are all gone. But he needs her, he could not live without her, it is obvious and evident when he cries like this. He would be nothing without her, and for this reason, she will never leave him.
She vows to herself to not mention any recognition or remembrance of things in the outside world again.
There is silence again. The only sound is the birds chirping, him emitting an occasional grunt, and the scuffling and shifting of his feet in the dirt. He is getting bored, she can sense it, and when he gets bored he gets angry. And he must not get angry again today. Bad things happen when he is angry. She glances down at the long, pinkish scar on her arm and shudders in remembrance.
"Are you almost ready to go back inside?" he says gruffly, disturbing the serene silence.
She takes a deep breath of the fresh, sweet air, savoring its taste and smell. Her eyes scan the valley below: its lush, green, plants and grass, the wispy white clouds, the peaceful, rich blue sky. No, she is not ready to go inside, not at all, but she merely says, "Yes, darling, I'm ready."
And they go inside.
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140,820 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
This story is , and your grammar is now practically impeccable, which makes it all the more enjoyable! good job, and I hope to see more!
Thanks so much guys!
I don't know yet if I'll write more...I kind of wanted it to be vague, so that the reader could kind of imagine it all. But thanks!
I totally agree with cloudy.skiesx! You have to right more and I'll be waiting.
I think this is really good. I do however think you should be a little more specific, but I can see that you have great talent. Will there be more to this piece?
-keep up the good work
very interesting.
I'll admit, it took me a while to see the allegory but I was intrigued long before that.
This is one of those pieces that require nothing more, it could use a bit more feeling but you don't need to expand on anything.
Nice work keirab!
Loved it!
I just wanted to read more and know more, you should definitely write a follow up, I'd love to know more about her and him. Honestly amazing. Please write more on this!!
Thanks N!
Haha yeah...
Hi,
I really enjoyed the story line for this. I love reading about these types of things.
There is not much else I can say about it.
I liked this part:
I love how you use darling, it reminds me of Audrey!
I think the part above, could be wrote differently though. The story was goos and the was just that. Make it have a bit more detail.
-lg*
Hey!
I thought this was very well done.
It was almost refreshing. I almost never hear stories like this any more. So it was nice to hear one again.
I think that if it is finished, you should add some more to it. But if it isn't done, then never mind.
I think you got a great start to something here. I hope you keep running with it!
Good work.
Kelsi =)
I liked it. In a way it reminds me of a story that my mom told me. About how she had a friend who's life was completely controlled by her husband. She wasn't even allowed to have a job or earn any way of money. Is that sorta what your going for here? It's really good, your small mistakes have been pointed out. Great job.
-MV
Whooaaa Keira, that was really good
Like the posters above me said, you changed tense for a second, but other than that I really really like it. Great job, keep up the good work. It's odd, in a good way lol.
This was so strange. I liked it a lot, but it was strange.
Reading over your comment, when you talk about 'before' being before she met him, you might want to mention this somehow in the story. Maybe have a brief hint. Something like "Before meant before he found her." Or something like that.
But otherwise, I really liked this. It was sad, considering she is caught in her situation and there is nothing she can do about it and it ends rather hopelessly. But this was really great. Fabulous job.
*applause*
~GryphonFledgling
Thanks so much!!
"Inside" is supposed to be symbolic for just, like, enjoying life and such. "Before" was before she met him and he began controlling her life.
As for whether or not she really loves him...guess i was a little lazy there lol...
But thanks for the advice!
You changed perspective for a second there. =P
This is pretty cool. I really like the idea. I think you could benefit (maybe, I haven't read much stuff like this) from playing more on her real emotions. Is she afraid of him, does she really love him? To me it all sounds hollow, I assume she is going along with him because she fears him, but who knows? It's a wild card, and you don't want to let readers come to their own conclusions with something as powerful as this.
^_^ I definitely liked it and I think you did a good job. I only have a few questions like: who is he? Where is 'inside'? When was 'before' And such. But I guess you left those out on purpose, but curious me wants to know. =P Is there going to be more?
Keep up the good work.
^_^Keek!