GryphonFledgling

I loved the voice in this. Seriously, it was such a strong character. I loved the switch from third to first person a few paragraphs and the constant recognition of ...

watched them crawl[b] [ b]saw them lose it all I’m gonna stay standing tall Your bolding seems to have gone a little wonky here. I'm not a songwriter, so I ...

You have a great world here. I was always one for the grungy steampunk setting and you've captured a wonderful snapshot here of it. The problem is, the setting seems ...

This was lovely. It felt so claustrophobic and strained, like it was going to explode any minute. I think the formatting had a lot to do with it, so I ...

Okay: Your title grabbed me from the getgo. I can see now you were just sort of throwing in words involved in your stories, but it really hooked me from ...

The flashbacks confused me a little in this story, because they led me to not be sure just exactly when things were happening. In the beginning, Mary talks about how ...

Hey hi and welcome to Young Writer's Society! Why could he do this? I guess this sentence makes sense, but it sounds a little funny. Plus, combined with the next ...

Very nice. I loved the way you began already in the middle of a speech. It was kind of a cool way to throw the reader right into the poem. ...

*pokes* Ooh, shiny. Even in such a short piece, I loved the character interplay between these two. Really, it just sort of clicks right away and keeps going. Very nice. ...

Wow. This was great. Lovely bit of character study and to have it about writing is all the more amazing! *whoot* A quick nitpick: When you have a description of ...

This is... beautiful. It just has this air to it of fragile surreality, with something really sinister and soft sort of lurking in the background. Really, very lovely. I'm not ...

This was lovely. Going into it, I was all like "No pronouns? Oh noes... This will end badly" and yet you managed to pull it off almsot completely naturally. There ...

This is... beautiful. It reads wonderfully, like poetry, event through the descriptions. I don't have much to say in terms of criticism, due to it being such a small piece ...

Wow. Action girl much? 1) This concerns me a little actually. You're going from Mariadelle being a noble and lady, if a little jealous. She is pretty much verbally fiery, ...

This section was my least favorite. That said, it was still amazing... 1) It just sort of felt like it dragged. I mean, not a whole lot happened and it ...