Griffinkeeper

[pre]PROLOGUE[/pre] [pre]In an ordinary world, through an ordinary town, in which there was an ordinary street, there walked a…not so ordinary woman. Short in stature, she had a sturdy frame ...

Astounding. I mean it, this is pretty powerful stuff, considering it is a freewrite. Great romance stuff always ends up augmenting your repetoire of romantic stuff. In this case, I ...

I think that you need to add much more in the way of descriptions, so as to bring your story to life. Pre-Chapter 1 There’s a jigsaw puzzle. There’s a ...

I found the descriptions kind of difficult to follow. For instance, the lighter scene was confusing. He's tossing around the lighter, but then someone knocks on the window. At that ...

“Whew. Sleeping…curled up every night…. really takes it out of… you,” Borys said to himself, pausing as he thought of himself. There were no others to speak to. They were ...

Impressive, but I think it is a little too fast for the first chapter. I'd like a chapter to two in advance to describe the two men and their conflicts ...

He jumped off Clerriek, and landed sending pain shooting up his leg. He looked around, and saw the woman. No commas before "and", if there are only two things being ...

I stood standing by the window. Rain was pouring out side. It fit my mood perfectly. It had been another day. I had gone o school. My face had been ...

I remember that day pretty well. Time does a lot to heal it, but it is still there. It was a normal morning for me. My goal was to get ...

The prologue didn't really hook me. It seemed long-winded, which made it difficult to read. Also, this needs fixing: Then, on my Seventeenth, the day I’d be considered an adult, ...

I think it is good, but Douglas Adams was far more like Voltaire. Since Candide is a little obscure, try making it similar to one of those "fortunately/unfortunately" books. For ...

Smileys and words fail utterly to convey the vast swirl of emotions that are erupting behind my blank stare. What the heck did I just read? Do I really want ...

I think the short, choppy lines worked really well in giving the feeling on energy, made me read it faster. Capitalising your I's would be good though, but if you ...

Glossary 1. Llyfflain - a philospher and poet. Wrote the Book of Paradise on the natural occurances in the world. 2. Ad Nwyr Hos - Taynwyr Canticle Ballade (Traveling Madrigali ...

>.> Double spacing is cheating. I use Arial, 12 pt, no double spacing. And I got 9 pages. lol You're preaching to the choir, baby. I don't like long chapters. ...