Griffinkeeper

I think the perspective is off. You're writing it as if the main character is reflecting back on what happened to him. I dislike it, since it implies that the ...

A diary based story, minus the personal experiences, characters, and stories one would expect. Throw into this an author obsessed with vampires and you have... this. Seriously, this story needs ...

This chapter is weighed down in detail. If you have to split your chapter up into sections, then that is an indication that it is too long and boring. Chapters ...

So, what we were trying to do here was to create this really heart breaking scene, following the departure of a father. Unfortunately, you didn't manage to achieve it. None ...

I was a Draknian, a warrior of the dark, and skilled at fighting in the darkness of the desert. My name was Zeek Adams and I drew my sword from ...

Oh dear, for each plot hole you patched, there's a new one to compensate. The first scene is a dire one: an Admiral is running out of options. The lives ...

So, let's talk about the battle itself. We start with a Corvette that is being escorted by a squadron of fighters. The battle has already been going on for five ...

A snuff piece? Really? Overall, I think the piece was really over-written. The narration kills it. The whole commentary on how beautiful the act of torture is goes on forever ...

Welcome to YWS! In a powerful land, three different groups lived in peace. There were the humans on earth known as Earth. The Evil power of fire Witches of Hell ...

The prologue isn't badly written, but you should delete it anyway. It tells way too much. It would be better if we have no idea about Jeriah's true purpose. Never ...

No, nonsense, stop putting these ideas in my head. He definitely cares, he may not be your boyfriend but the kind of texts he sends you? Or even worse. What ...

This is a story based off of my life, however some details were changed slightly. Warning: this chapter deals with graphic rape. It will become a love story of sorts ...

"stars rain sun moon (and only the snow can begin to explain how children are apt to forget to remember with up so floating many bells down)" -e.e. cummings There ...

The house had been silent as I walked out the front door that morning. My family was still asleep - it was Saturday - but the rest of the world ...

The Spanish woman at my side nodded to him shyly. She was wearing white again today. Her lips were full, and red. We’d only met the week before, when we’d ...