Griffinkeeper

This poem came off flat. It is lacking that sense of awe, that boundless wonder that accompanies a visit to something breath-taking. It helps if you have been to a ...

As promised, I came back for more. Usually chapters describe a particular event, but it seems like chapter two is doing the same thing that chapter one is, so perhaps ...

I can't remember the last time I enjoyed reading something as much as this. You've definitely put a lot of thought in how the reader sees the story and I ...

Welcome to YWS! I'm Grif and I'll be reviewing your poem today. I could see the potential intensity of the poem, but it didn't seem to come out very well. ...

Welcome to YWS! The first thing that struck me was how long this was. YWS recently added a novel feature where you could make a novel. You can post your ...

Somehow, this story just doesn't seem all that interesting. It seems to be running the well trodden path of the senior year tale. All the characters seem to confirm the ...

Let me get this straight: "The story is about a horny young man, who after spending twenty two years in cryo, gets to start a colony with eleven other people, ...

This story is very hard to follow. As I read the story, I began to ask myself questions like "Where are the quotation marks?" and "What a weird format." Finally ...

Hi Nemesis! Here is a critique. Much was a-stir at the Galactic Transportation Agency (GTA) in the city of Elacora in the district of Pasadena. What caused such a commotion ...

Mark took the great opportunity. He wheeled out his bike from the garage of the beach house, and went for a ride. Speeding down the bike path, with the helmet ...

I like this description piece. I would reorganize the order in which you describe things. Right now it is Bird, Tree, Bird, Flight, and Song. I would change it to ...

I don't like the story much. When the deepest, darkest and quite frankly scariest of emotions that is hatred rises to the surface so much that it overflows, it can ...

“What level are we on sir?” a fellow soldier in the back called. “N-five, three more to go, Foxtrot,” the front-man responded. People usually know where they are if they ...

I really like this poem. It reminded me of friends I had left back in Elementary School. You really hit some emotional strings there, which I appreciate. As far as ...

I also like the way this was written. If you could act it out with a couple of friends, you'll find any holes in the dialogue. That said, I would ...