Griffinkeeper

Apocalyptic stories can actually be quite interesting when they get the reader to say to themselves "Am I prepared for the Armageddon?" In this particular story; you cite God's final ...

Hi Snoink! It’s not that magic isn’t useful. The problem is, it’s much too useful. As soon as I could use my hands in a somewhat coordinated fashion, my mother ...

Hi, I'm Grif. Here is my review: Albert opened his eyes on the white, crumpled hospital bed. Languidly, he blinked twice at the equally white ceiling. The smell of alcohol ...

Grif here for your review. Let's just dive right in. I hear a knock at my door and my mother walks in, her face red with rage, “Get those stupid ...

Everything was going great, until I saw that the Empress was named " Hares ." After that point, I just lost composure as I imagined cute bunnies cavorting on a ...

My eyes twitched at all the lower case "I's." Not fun. Still, the poem reads well, and I liked how you formatted the poem so it would meander back and ...

So, Chapter One starts with introducing the protagonist and ends with the King dead and the City burning. You might consider pacing this a bit. Why not show us a ...

I really disliked this piece, because it is the kind of story some weirdo on the bus would tell me if I were to sit next to them. That's not ...

Welcome to YWS! Now brace yourself for the oncoming storm: After some research, I found some interesting things about the background of this story. Ordinarily I'd point to EPIRB's as ...

Greetings Bastion and welcome to YWS. There is no shortage of people that are willing to help you out; myself included. Submitting work is always a little stressful for writers ...

What I liked about this is that it had style . True, you were ranting, but I, as the reader, was able to hear the emphasis you placed on every ...

Hi Noelle! I think you're having problems focusing the story. For example: Akia They headed to Sam’s house after they got everyone together. His house wasn’t too far from Falyn’s, ...

Disclaimer: I just paid taxes. Everyone has a destiny. Everyone has something that sets them apart from everyone else. Finding that something is what some people spend their whole lives ...

One of the consequences of Dylan ignoring the Vicky and John in the first chapter is that we have no idea about their characters when the second chapter starts. Slowing ...

Everything in the office was pristine, the white bookshelves, the expensive beige carpet to the line of impressive electronic gadgets that lined the wall neatly. This sentence is awkward. I ...