z
  • Home

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Prologue

by Snoink


My name is Magencia.

Don’t worry, you don’t have to call me that. In fact, please don’t. My friends all call me Maggie. I don’t quite like Magencia. It’s an appropriate name for a sorceress, I suppose, but I never liked all the pressure — and trust me, there’s a lot of pressure to live up to when you live in a family like I do.

Everybody in my family does magic. Everybody. We have charts of our family tree from seven generations ago with written notes about what sorts of spells they did and what their magical specialties were. That we use as wallpaper. For our house. My mother doesn’t know when I took my first steps or when I said my first word, but she can talk at length about what my first spell was and the first rune that I drew. Trust me, I asked. Did I mention that my family’s a little bit obsessed with this whole magic bit?

As you can probably guess in such a magical family, I go to an institutionalized factory in which sorcerers are churned out in mass quantities, otherwise known as school.

For all of those thinking that sorcerer school is some sort of fantastical playground in which magic happens and everybody is happy about learning, then I am sorry, but I must disappoint you. If this is hard to grasp, then think about your attitude about mathematics. Yes, it’s a glorious subject and algebra can solve all of life’s problems, both major and minor, as your teachers are apt to point out. Yes, you can see the usefulness in the subject of mathematics when you are given those blasted word problems that teachers are a bit too fond of giving out. Yes, you may even slightly like the subject. But, let’s be honest about this… in your spare time, do you spend hours a day everyday trying to solve math problems for fun?

No?

Well, that’s the attitude that we have toward magic.

It’s not that magic isn’t useful. The problem is, it’s much too useful. As soon as I could use my hands in a somewhat coordinated fashion, my mother had me draw runes that would keep my room clean. Which, by the way, is utterly useless because as soon as you start playing with more toys, you end up scuffing the chalk rune on the floor anyway. So then you have to rechalk the rune and that means that you have to clear the floor which means that the rune is never used in either case. It’s a nuisance.

This isn’t to say that we don’t do magic for fun — we do. It’s amusing and we can use it to screw around with our friends sometimes — as you will shortly see. But, if you gave me the choice of using magic for something fun and taking a nap, I would probably pick a nap.

Besides, there’s another nasty side effect about magic that I probably should mention: it can hurt. To put it in simple terms, magic is harnessing energy in pretty neat ways. But, because you’re essentially dealing with pure energy and channeling it through you, it can pretty much destroy you if you are not careful or do not have the know-how to direct it elsewhere.

Thus, the unfortunate necessity of school.

See, at home, there are some pretty basic runes that we use to direct magic away from us, but they do have their limitations. One time, before I entered into school, my brother broke his arm because he was trying to torment me using a spell that he learned from some of his friends, who were pretty much evil incarnate. (Not that I am biased or anything.) Anyway, he waved his hands around impressively, said a bunch of garbled words and directed the spell near me — but he missed. Two feet away, the chair next to me shattered, and he gave out a terrible scream. His arm had fractured in three places and he needed to go to the emergency room. And, since it was a magical wound, the doctors couldn’t use magic.

No, that’s wrong. I suppose the doctors could have used magic to heal my brother’s arm, but then the magic might have backfired on them worse, especially since my brother refused to tell them the spell he used, so they decided not to. I don’t blame them. They didn’t know how to do traditional surgery either, so they had to tell my mother to either find a place that does traditional surgery (which is difficult, seeing as non-sorcerers pretty much hate us) or fix it herself. As you can probably expect, my mother was about to throttle all of the doctors (and my brother simultaneously). And as you probably guessed already, I might have been less sympathetic about this whole matter, besides being annoyed about being dragged to the emergency room. But that’s another story…

The point is, at home, the magic backfired on my brother. Badly. Bad enough that he had to wait three months for everything to heal. At school, he could get away with this kind of terror though, because there are runes — and strong runes at that — designed to protect both of the students and teachers. The teachers, of course, use this responsibly to teach us lessons and make sure we don’t kill ourselves. Us students on the other hand? Well. Let’s just say that we like to push boundaries when we do magic more than we like to learn our lessons…

Which is where this story, unfortunately, starts. 


Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
227 Reviews

Points: 32606
Reviews: 227

Donate
Fri Sep 15, 2023 9:43 pm
View Likes
NadyaStatham wrote a review...



Salutations, curious mind!



Image

Rinisha is back here and ready to review 📚!

Buckle up, 'cause this is going to be a bumpy ride. I’m going to keep it short alright!✨

All in all

This party rocked, let's take a quick look!

To be honest this seems to be the beginning of something great. I love the attitude of Magencia…Or should I say Maggie towards magic. (Not that I don’t like magic) It’s just one of those things where the entire story is about magic and the protagonist is like, uhhh nope. Not for me and in the end is kind of finding herself or forced to use it maybe to save their brother or something. I like it.

Your writing style fits nicely with your subject. As for your connection with Algebra and cleaning the room, that’s very thoughtful. I love that the mother is holding onto the fact of using magic, even though Maggie doesn't really want to.

Spoiler! :
It makes me think of Sirius, in Harry Potter. His mother was also so mean towards him, because he didn’t want to join Voldy, didn’t want to be in Slytherin and didn’t want to be against Muggles and Muggle-Borns. I kinda feel sad now that he’s dead. But that’s for another time. Your prologue brings back old “HP” memories.


I really hope to be back soon and read more of your work!

Have a nice day or night further! Keep writing! You are amazing!

Amazingly yours,
Rinisha
– Be yourself and keep writing! 📖🎉




User avatar
51 Reviews

Points: 318
Reviews: 51

Donate
Wed May 24, 2023 3:13 pm
fantasies says...



i liked this already? oh well..




User avatar
229 Reviews

Points: 9163
Reviews: 229

Donate
Mon Mar 27, 2023 12:07 am
foxmaster wrote a review...



Hello this is Foxmaster!!!🦊
Well, this is a very interesting start! Quite original and I hope I can continue this.

My name is Magencia.

Don’t worry, you don’t have to call me that. In fact, please don’t. My friends all call me Maggie. I don’t quite like Magencia. It’s an appropriate name for a sorceress, I suppose, but I never liked all the pressure — and trust me, there’s a lot of pressure to live up to when you live in a family like I do.

Well, this is an original start. "Magencia" sounds like a very magical-sounding name. I congratulate you on that.
As you can probably guess in such a magical family, I go to an institutionalized factory in which sorcerers are churned out in mass quantities, otherwise known as school.

For all of those thinking that sorcerer school is some sort of fantastical playground in which magic happens and everybody is happy about learning, then I am sorry, but I must disappoint you. If this is hard to grasp, then think about your attitude about mathematics. Yes, it’s a glorious subject and algebra can solve all of life’s problems, both major and minor, as your teachers are apt to point out. Yes, you can see the usefulness in the subject of mathematics when you are given those blasted word problems that teachers are a bit too fond of giving out. Yes, you may even slightly like the subject. But, let’s be honest about this… in your spare time, do you spend hours a day everyday trying to solve math problems for fun?

Oooh, well this is very interesting...it's cool that you're basically undoing all those magic school clichés. I mean, when you read Harry Potter, you're all like, magic school is so cool! So magical! So fun! While you're putting this into a real-world aspect here. 👏
But, if you gave me the choice of using magic for something fun and taking a nap, I would probably pick a nap.

Besides, there’s another nasty side effect about magic that I probably should mention: it can hurt. To put it in simple terms, magic is harnessing energy in pretty neat ways. But, because you’re essentially dealing with pure energy and channeling it through you, it can pretty much destroy you if you are not careful or do not have the know-how to direct it elsewhere.

Thus, the unfortunate necessity of school.

Ooh! so magic is basically a necessity! How interesting!
(which is difficult, seeing as non-sorcerers pretty much hate us)

Wait... so not everybody has magic? Why?
that's all! I hope you continue this because I liked it. It was very original. (Did I already say that?)
-Foxmaster




User avatar


Points: 290
Reviews: 0

Donate
Sat Dec 13, 2014 1:25 am
MrPoet18 says...



(:




User avatar


Points: 290
Reviews: 0

Donate
Sat Dec 13, 2014 1:25 am
MrPoet18 says...



(:




User avatar
155 Reviews

Points: 1618
Reviews: 155

Donate
Fri Dec 12, 2014 1:15 am
Prokaryote says...



First person? Disgusting.




User avatar
170 Reviews

Points: 620
Reviews: 170

Donate
Thu Dec 11, 2014 7:20 pm
yubbies21 says...



This sounds really good! I'm excited to read more :)




User avatar
1007 Reviews

Points: 13831
Reviews: 1007

Donate
Thu Dec 11, 2014 3:19 pm
View Likes
TimmyJake wrote a review...



Timmy here

Having never read your work, I thought I would drop by and read your work. I will be completely honest with you here: When I saw prologue, I almost didn't read it. Why? Because there are so many prologues on this website, and so many of them aren't really prologues (to be honest, I usually think prologues are boring), but first chapters. When I read through this, it read as a first chapter. Or it should have read as a first chapter. I don't know whether this qualifies as a prologue or not - that is for you to decide - but I have an article I always refer to people. This article here.

That we use as wallpaper.


This read awkwardly to me, since the way you wrote the sentence is odd. Perhaps you could switch the wording around to: We use that as wallpaper or something similar?

Trust me, I asked.


Slight redundancy because you asked us to trust you in the previous paragraph.

But, let’s be honest about this…


I don't like your usage of the ellipsis in a few of the places. In a few of the spots, they seem to do their job, but here? It seems like a needless pause in the narration, when a period or comma would have done the job flawlessly.

draw runes that would keep my room clean. Which, by the way, is utterly useless because as soon as you start playing with more toys, you end up scuffing the chalk rune on the floor anyway.


The more I think about this, the odder and less useful it becomes. xD So when I read through this, I thought the runes were supposed to keep her room clean (it would have also been nice for us to see how they did so). If they were supposed to keep everything tidy, why didn't they clean up the room when she got out more toys? Or perhaps that was just part of the rune - scuffing the rune so you have to clean the room in order to re-do it. I think you could spend more time on that part, and give us a better idea of what the rune is supposed to do.

Thus, the unfortunate necessity of school.


Hmmm, I am not so sure about the placement of thus. When you wrote this, I was envisioning this girl (like the piece is saying) doing everything and saying everything, and thus doesn't seem to fit quite well. Almost like you took a sentence from a school essay and inserted it there. Seems rather disjointed and odd when I read it - out of place amongst the casual talking of a teenager (assuming that is her age).

who were pretty much evil incarnate. (Not that I am biased or anything.)


I am speaking as someone who only learns from example - and no textbook knowledge at all. But when I see the parenthesis (many people call them "sloppy writing". I love them), I have always thought the period or comma of the sentence before falls afterwards. Like this: who were pretty much evil incarnate (not that I am biased or anything).

especially since my brother refused to tell them the spell he used, so they decided not to.


We already know the doctors weren't using magic to heal her brother, and we learned that from the previous sentence. I think the so they decided not to part could go, since it's somewhat redundant as you're telling us something twice.

(and my brother simultaneously)


As much as I love your wide usage of punctuation - everything from em-dashes to these parenthesis and ellipsis - I think you could ease up on the parenthesis just a little. Like em-dashes, they're not seen very often in writing (or at least not like a comma or period), and so, if used quite often, can be a hindrance to the flow of the piece.


You may have noticed all my nitpicks are small and insignificant throughout this piece. That is because this was well done. I love, love the style of writing throughout this piece, which seems very much like a person's train of thought rather than simply third-person with "I" instead of "she" - which is how most people seem to do it. This was very personable, and I felt myself being able to relate to everything she said - even though all this was something completely foreign. Your way of narration was able to draw me into the story like that. Thank you. The entire realm of magic and rune and such isn't a new venture, by any means, but I think you're going about it in an original way. As this one writer once said: No one's idea is completely original. They're all different ways of telling the same story. And while this prologue uses the same thing which fuels so many stories, magic, you do an amazing job keeping it original and lively. I love your characters name, and that she doesn't like the stiff version of it - but prefers Maggie (so would I). I love how you start this story off, with her telling us her name and all that. Sorta reminds me a bit of the beginning of the Percy Jackson books - which is an amazing way to begin this.

I would be happy to review any following chapters you have. And I am sorry for this not being so helpful. You write too well for anything save for an opinion hand-out.
~Darth Timmyjake




User avatar
863 Reviews

Points: 2090
Reviews: 863

Donate
Thu Dec 11, 2014 5:36 am
View Likes
Griffinkeeper wrote a review...



Hi Snoink!

It’s not that magic isn’t useful. The problem is, it’s much too useful. As soon as I could use my hands in a somewhat coordinated fashion, my mother had me draw runes that would keep my room clean. Which, by the way, is utterly useless because as soon as you start playing with more toys, you end up scuffing the chalk rune on the floor anyway. So then you have to rechalk the rune and that means that you have to clear the floor which means that the rune is never used in either case. It’s a nuisance.


If you have a rune that can be used to keep the floor clean, shouldn't there be one that keeps the chalk from being scuffed? Why would you use chalk for a permanent rune anyway? Or is there a reason why you would want a cleaning spell to be temporary in nature?

If this is hard to grasp, then think about your attitude about mathematics. Yes, it’s a glorious subject and algebra can solve all of life’s problems, both major and minor, as your teachers are apt to point out. Yes, you can see the usefulness in the subject of mathematics when you are given those blasted word problems that teachers are a bit too fond of giving out. Yes, you may even slightly like the subject. But, let’s be honest about this… in your spare time, do you spend hours a day everyday trying to solve math problems for fun?


I object! But I suppose this is more accessible than using organic chemistry instead of math...

His arm had fractured in three places and he needed to go to the emergency room. And, since it was a magical wound, the doctors couldn’t use magic.


No, that’s wrong. I suppose the doctors could have used magic to heal my brother’s arm, but then the magic might have backfired on them worse, especially since my brother refused to tell them the spell he used, so they decided not to. I don’t blame them. They didn’t know how to do traditional surgery either, so they had to tell my mother to either find a place that does traditional surgery (which is difficult, seeing as non-sorcerers pretty much hate us) or fix it herself. As you can probably expect, my mother was about to throttle all of the doctors (and my brother simultaneously).


Why would doctors not know how to treat a fractured arm? Especially if healing people with magic isn't always possible depending on the circumstances? Just because a doctor knows how to heal a cut instantly with magic doesn't mean he wouldn't know how to use a band aid. It would be as bizarre as meeting a mathematician that only can use a calculator instead of doing math by hand.

At school, he could get away with this kind of terror though, because there are runes — and strong runes at that — designed to protect both of the students and teachers.


Hopefully they're not made with chalk...

Overall this story flowed very well. The hook worked and we quickly gained an appreciation for Maggie, her family, her attitudes of school, and a brief (although not unpleasant) introduction to magic in your story.

There were some points which seemed contradictory; I noted them above. However, these are relatively minor points to the story itself. This is a very good first draft.





I would like to be the air that inhabits you for a moment only. I would like to be that unnoticed and that necessary.
— Margaret Atwood