A/N I started to write this story a while ago and I originally posted this on my old account. This is just a general idea of the plot, personally I don't think that this is any good but I would love to hear anyone's suggestions and tips in order to make this a better novel. I don't really tend to write stories, I'm more of a poetry kind of girl. Oh and also, I don't really like the title to this novel so any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Happy reading! :)
We've all heard the stories, the stories of those days, those weeks.. years. The time when the world finally ended. When the countdown eventually stopped. Of course there were 'prophecies' and warnings, there had been for centuries, but no amount of warnings could prepare anyone for what happened. God did what he had set out to do, destroy the one thing he loved the most. Our home.
He sent the wrath of heaven onto us, but he sent the angels to do his work. He commanded them to do unthinkable, unimaginable things in order to tear apart the planet. The angels, by God's orders, blew their magnificent trumpets, and at each blow a plague descended onto the land. The water became undrinkable, tainted with blood. The livestock was killed off and diseased. The tree's burned to ash. He didn't even allow people to die, for months and months He made them suffer. He torched their souls, the people begged for death, they begged for all this suffering to end, but Death never came. It was like he ran away, as if this was too much suffering for him to bare. The sky was alive and danced with flames of scarlet and gold, in any other occasion it would've been considered beautiful. But when blood begun to rain down such beauty couldn't be recognized.
In amidst of all the chaos, deep in the fiery pits of Hell; the gates were breaking. The hinges were becoming unbound from their posts and Lucifer was slowly waking from his deep slumber. He had oh so patiently waited for this day to arrive and now it had. His eyes opened, and he could see that his cage was disintegrating, and with a gentle tug at his shackles, they came off the wall with ease. Lucifer stretched, and watched as he saw the gates of his cage open with a satisfying 'pop' followed by the crumbling down of Hell's walls. A grin slowly crept onto his face. It was an unsavory smile, he licked his cracked dry lips in anticipation, and he spoke for the first time in centuries.
"It is time, we are free." his voice was low and gravely, and seemed to hum across the darkness. "For too long we have been seen as the 'evil' that lurks in the world, now it is time to prove what my father is really like. When we were cast out unloved by his unmerciful hand and sent to this place, we will get our revenge for our eternal pain that He has caused. Now we rise, now we take back what is ours!" and with that a roar of howls and screams filled the smokey charred air. The black silhouettes crawled out of the pit, dragging their limp formless bodies across the dust and into the light. Lucifer followed, and took in his surroundings. It was a different form of Hell, only this time there was light, blinding light. The light poured from the Heavens, Lucifer stood quiet for a moment and thought. It was at this point he recalled when this was all created, how his father spent a week making sure that everything was perfect for mankind. What amazed him was how God formed this ball of rock in such a way that it just floated in space, but now he saw what a mess it all was. He had felt a small amount of pity for human kind, and he felt a pinch of sorrow for all the destruction that was caused, but Lucifer quickly shook it off.
He came to the sudden realization that no amount of demons could even come close to the power of Heaven. All of this proved it, in order to win this war on Heaven Lucifer needed something more powerful than both angels and demons alike. Pacing quickly he thought to himself, and then as if a light bulb moment, he realized he needed the help of the Uncalled Angels. God's first attempt at celestial beings, but just like Lucifer, God cast them out because they became too powerful and they had... faults. They were sent to wander the Earth as mortals. He pondered over this, he knew that the original angels would've been long gone, but he was sure that they had descendants. Whether they knew who they were was a different story. "This should make things more interesting." Lucifer chuckled to himself. "I will find them. I will."
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I wanted to say I agree with Griffinkeeper, you might need to delve into the details more.
I like how this is a biblical apocalypse instead of nuclear or zombie. I myself like seeing religious works and how people interpret them. The thing about the other uncalled angels was interesting and I hope you use the demons Beelzebub or Leviathan for these. I think this story had a lot of promise and I hope you keep writing.
Hmm very interesting concept. I think you need a why though. You have all this great descriptive language and these epic events but you don't explain why God made them happen. Also, you didn't really give yourself a good protagonist, as there is no one left on the good side except for perfect beings. I think that you should make it so a band of humans survived. Human flaws are what make protagonists interesting. I hope you follow through with this idea though.
Apocalyptic stories can actually be quite interesting when they get the reader to say to themselves "Am I prepared for the Armageddon?" In this particular story; you cite God's final judgement, but what kills this story is the lack of a trigger. What made God decide to end the world?
Personally, I think it should be over a stupid comment on the internet.
Another thing this story is lacking is a bit of theology. If you're going to be writing about God and Lucifer, it might help to do some research on them. I suggest reading some bible books, such as Genesis, Exodus, and Revelations. The first two feature God's wrath (The Great Flood, Destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah, and the Plagues of Egypt) while the last one features a pretty surreal description of the end of times.
Even if you don't use the theology; you can learn quite a bit from the writing style. Revelations is a pretty decent end of the world narrative and wouldn't be a bad thing to imitate; if only in part.
Hello! Flash here for a quick review.
I don't have much to say here because it is a short piece without a lot of faults. And that's okay, I believe prologues are best when they're short, sweet, but with lots of information.
Normally someone might even call this an info-dump, but it was a very interesting one at that. It has a narrative, "somebody is telling this tale" feel, if you know what I mean. The tone was great and the details are solid. Good job on that! I found it super interesting and I can't wait to read more.
Now, I saw a couple mistakes:
It's just "trees." I'm sure it is a simple mistake you overlooked.
Notice after "ours," "and" should be capitalized since it is the beginning of a new sentence.
And lastly I'd like to point out that when you're talking about God, sometimes you switched between "he" and "He." Pick one or the other and stick with it. Again, very small mistake that would have been super easy to overlook.
That's all from me! Overall great start and very little issues. Although I will say that even early on I don't think the title is fitting. I can't wait to read more of this. (You could always tag me when a new chapter comes out so I don't miss it.)
Keep Writing!
~Flash
Thank you so much! This has been helpful.
As with the title, I hate it but I can't find anything to fit with the story. And I couldn't leave it untitled because that's just me, and this is my first story so I shall learn from my mistakes
I am in the process of writing the first chapter, but anyway. Thank you! 
Hey there! It's a great start to writing interesting stuff. So here, my suggestions flow out.
The prologue, its like the movie Legion. There are many movies based on apocalypses and stuff with angels and God and all. I suggested you should add a different twist to this. Add something that people won't expect. A surprise element.
Also, you're right about the title. You could use "Fading away" or "Divine" or "Annihilation" or "Catastrophe" or "Armageddon" or "Cataclysm" or "Decimation"
Something like these. And add characters from different backgrounds. It would add to the charm.
Good luck with your novel!
Stay Blessed. xoxo
I've never heard of that film, XD but anyway I have a big plot twist in line for this story
Thank you!