Gabe

let me guess, you wrote this when we slept over and you were staying up to watch the olympics, right? anyway, it was a great poem. There was a couple ...

Cool. The only part I thought was a little awkward was "Uncontrollable, free As I pray for your safety, Please don't leave me" it didn't flow very nicely and threw ...

Cool, but I'm still not sure of the the setting. Consider answering questions like: what type of farm is this? what are they doing here? How old is mark and ...

I really like it. The only problem I would have with is that it is really slow moving, espiecially the first paragraph. Being detailed is aprriciated by the reader but ...

If I didn't know I would of thought it was Brian Jaques himself. You have same writing style. and I mean that in a good way. (But please, don't TRY ...

nice poem. I love the last couple lines. The one part you said " turn into a big loon" I think that's a little random. You should start to think ...

"In a matter of seconds, I was behind the man. He no longer had his sword. I momentarily considered finding it, but discarded the idea and swung my fist at ...

You should give each of the characters names so that you can identify them easier. I have some tips to make the duel more entertaining. From reading it seemed like ...

wow, that was awesome. Very poetic. my favorite line is: "Flowers close their delicate petals Capturing all the beauty inside" I know it doesn't ryhme, but to be honest I ...

I know everybody has already told you this but I'm gonna tell you it again just to get on your nerves.falling into a white blanket of snow doesn't fit the ...

how did that guy in the first scene appear. Why was he just randomly sitting in a classroom. You should try to explain a bit what you were thinking on ...

I, being a world renowned scholar have read many a prolouge. Enough to know that this perticular prolouge is amatuer. if I would have to describe using one word I ...

I like it because most fantasy/science fiction type books' plots have already been taken, but there are few settings like this. I'm interested to see how it will start to ...