Firearris

Hi Dove! Thanks for spacing it out, here are my commets: Charles and Bella Carter were new to the neighbor of Jacklyn This doesn't make very much sense.... smiled. “It’s ...

Hi Hey, you should probably rate this. ;) Here are my comments: Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck this needs quotation marks. clutching the open window in support. Oh Jesus. No. ...

Hi Kitty! Here are my comments: "You wouldn’t! Said Sal Try this: "You wouldn’t!" said Sal. brother Hal said. Try: brother, Hal, said. my dad dropped his pipe into his ...

Hi M.B. Author! For one thing, I think you need to split this up into paragraphs, but here are my comments: Teeny-Wee did get better. But How about this: Teeny-Wee ...

:shock: WOW! Big block of text! Yikes! I really think you should divide this up into paragraphs, then PM me and I will crit this for you. :D Firearris :D

Hi Kyte! I am very interested in this piece....here are my comments: I managed. Maybe you should change it to: I managed to say. I had already made up my ...

Hi thunder_dude! I like this piece, the main thing that bugs me is that it is a bit long, maybe you could shorten this post up? The four 13 year ...

Hi Kitty! One of my problems with this piece is that you can't tell who says what in a few spots. The funny thing is, today I just finished reading: ...

every year, lives are lost for the first word, capitalize it. Put a coma or period after "lost". With this poem, just about every two lines you need a capitalized ...

Wow. Or just inhale it, like a fish. Ewww.... If the soup from it does slip, Make a puddle on the floor, Maybe add an "and"? I think this is ...

WOW!!! This is an amazing piece....but you are not quite sure what the end means until you stay there thinking about it. I love pieces like this...WOW!!! You scared my ...

I liked the first chapter. The beginning was a little boring though. Another thing that bugged me was it went from Paul and Liz to time travel with a Genesis... ...

It is one of those types of stories where it starts in the middle of the story...that can make it hard to understand some times, here is an example: Who ...

Wow. Thats a pretty good poem, but if you think of it it is kinda sad. But good job! Great job! ;) Keep up all the good work! I hope ...

I like your story, It is pretty good. When will you put up the other part\parts? I like Ryle's name, it sounds really cool! Are you going to post the ...