Firearris

Hey, Mo! :) Okay, very nice poem here. Only one thing really bugs me, and that's the 'End' at the end. Is it actually part of the poem, or are ...

Hello, Ollie! Very nice poem! To tell the truth, I can't find anything wrong with it. It's quite a nice and interesting poem. :) I'd have to say the last ...

Hi, Riot! This poem is very nice. :) It has lovely rhymes and a nice sound to it, and your grammar and punctuation is great. Only one thing bugs me. ...

Hey Corwin, Welcome to YWS! Very nice poem, I think the main thing that needs to be fixed is punctuation and grammar. In the days in which I'm dieing , ...

Wow, Brad...just...wow. Why do you have to be so good at poetry? =.= :razz: Beautifully written, really amazing images and feelings coming across. I love this poem, actually. It was ...

Hello Alberto! Okay, first off, you don't need a comma after every line. Also, put the poem's title in the title place, since your posting in the poetry section, we ...

Hi Lyn! What I thought about the story: It was sad! But this catches my attention, I want to read the next chapters, I'm curious what will happen. This is ...

:) I like this piece! I couldn't really find any mistakes staring me in the eyes, great job, great idea! You could create more of a poem out of this, ...

Hello! This is a good start. A few errors, What is he retarded? You need a comma in here. What is he, retarded? Or something like that. Ms. Siska never ...

Hello, and welcome to YWS! This is a nice poem, sad, but nice. The thing I would suggest, if you want to make poetry out of this, is show us ...

DINAH HAD BEEN watching them all night. She couldn't help it, couldn't hold back her fascination. I know how in novels they sometime shave this at the beginning of every ...

Hi Sythe! If you've already made a topic in the welcome forums, I'll get to that right after this crit, if not, then I suggest you make one! :) Welcome ...

Wow, this is interesting. I don't see any spelling or grammar mistakes, so cross that out. This is nice. At first you don't understand what this is abut, but the ...

Hmm, I like this! :) I like how you put so many details in, but you did it in a way that you weren't doing info-dumps! :D It is Fire, ...

Ello! Hmm... Sorry, but the first thing that came to mind when I read this was Green day. It's probably an odd coincidence, but you should look up the song ...