Published June 2, 2008
The falling star
A falling star seemingly nothing at all, but to some, everything. A dream lost, a glass broken, a kiss- a kiss that meant everything or nothing at all. The star falls slowly over a deep and dark hollow but brings light to this forsaken place.
The star falls still, but with little speed now, falling over the rooftops of many, spreading some sort of unseen common bond, among all who which it has seen. The star falls still, even faster now, though its trip is almost over and slowly begins to fade away and die. Just as quickly as it came, it is gone. Only what it has done still remains and the lives it has touched still remembers it. So it will remain until another comes and follows another path, creating more stories that will later be retold and more lives that will forever be changed.
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141,251 Literary Works • 674,330 Reviews
I think that this should be a poem. Or maybe this could be a neat introduction to a short story about how a falling star affects someone's life. That would be a great lead-in.
I think you could "beef up" the description a bit, make it more vivid, let us see the star. Other than that, I thought it was beautiful.
Unless you are going to make this a poem, I would take out some of the repetition you have. You have a lot of it, and you'd probably be surprised how short this actually is if you took out any ideas or phrases that repeated.
My favorite line is above, but I would take out the second dash.
funny of you to say that. i was going to make it a poem, but then this happened so i just went with it. might change it if i feel like it. if the wind blows me that way(dont laugh at that)
This was a very good piece. You could make the description a little more flowery, but this stands great without it. I agree with the previous post on the poem bit. If you could work this into poetry form it would be very beautiful. But that's your decision, and this does work in its current form anyway.
thanks!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Great job!
~Arris