Fan

Nice chapter, but I found that I couldn't follow the dialogue as it was stuctured strangely. It would be a new line for each time a different character speaks. The ...

Only found one thing I have a problem with. She’s a princess. It might be better to put this into italics as it runs as a line of thought rather ...

I thought that this was rather good once I got it. But I think that's what you thought was wrong, understanding the story. Well, for the first few paragraphs I ...

I find this type of font rather hard to read in, I keep losing where I am, could you change it to times roman is possible please? Anyway, I have ...

Ohhh... this looks good! :) Like Kitty said, it could do with a description of what the set should look like before the dialogue starts (whicch is very good by ...

Suddenly he woke up. His hand reached for his sword, but he stayed it. Someone was approaching and he wanted to know who and why before he did anything. Another ...

There were three horses and four men, one in fancy armor and pounding at the door. This sentence sounds a little awkward. Maybe 'one of whom was in fancy armour' ...

I thought this poem was beautiful. It expresses what we lose after we have stopped become innocent children very well as well as memories shared with the people we call ...

Quite good apart from one thing that really got to me. Your first paragraph. When I first saw it I was about to dismiss it as one of those always ...

Well, this certainly kept my attention throughout the whole thing and during 7:21 in the morning it isn't an easy thing to do! I thought that the pace was pretty ...

Beginning one One man was at the bow of his ship, telescope focused on another in front of him. Buck Bret, Privateer of North Rhynadie, had sighted prey. The ship ...

According to the maps, the goodship Maiden’s Progress would lay anchor on Day Forty-six, making them about a quarter of the way there. It took Captain Willik forty days to ...

"So?" Baesa, Ianna’s closest friend, asked patiently, coming up beside Ianna as she stalked through halls of their hold. This sentence looks a bit too wordy, I think you should ...

I also thought that you tried a bit too hard to be fancy. The flow didn't work with the words and often jarred the letting of the story. Just let ...

: The Samurai sword As this is set in another world, it's not a good idea to use a term like "samurai"- it confuses Nick*. Instead, perhaps you could say ...